In Jeff I trust

You know how Mommies are awesome and can do it all when it comes to their babies?

Well, Jeff can do it too.

Except pumping. Jeff can't pump. So I'm still better than him, ha!
He is extremely good with the babies. Oh so good. I work some Saturdays and people are usually surprised when I tell them that the babies are home with Jeff. They tend to ask if someone is there helping him. Nope. He takes great care of them all by himself. There are only a few people that I trust watching the babies (because of Noah's medications) and Jeff is at the top of that list. Well he is their Daddy but not all dads are comfortable watching babies so yay for me.

He plays with them a lot. I'm almost sure they have way more fun with him than with anyone else... including me =(... but I give them special mommy's milk (so whatever Jeff). He does try to avoid giving them a bath though. He used to bathe them in the folding chair in the sink but the baby tub makes him nervous. At least that's what he says. I think he just wants to play with them and keep them laughing so they love him more... I'm on to you Jeff so stop plotting against me.

But seriously though? Thank you honey for being so wonderful with them. Natalia loves you. Noah Loves you. And I suppose I love you too.

PS- Bath time is on you next time!

By the way, I've been working on this post for about two weeks now. I completely forgot most of the things I wanted to say but you get the idea: Jeff is a good Daddy =)

I'm still at it...

I'm still...

1-Working. Even though I'm brain dead they have taken mercy on me and have not fired me for being too distracted thinking about my babies.

2-Feeling guilty. I hate that I have to abandon the kiddos. I know they are in great hands but I can't help feeling very very sad that I have to go to work.

3-Pumping. I have been able to keep up my supply so far. I pump between 28 & 32 onces every day depending on how many pumps I can squeeze in. My drive to & from work is at least 30 minutes so I usually pump while driving home and I get to spend time with the babies before their bed time.

4-Owe you guys pics of the babies. They are almost 5 months and I haven't shared any pics since they turned 3 months. (Not on this blog I mean)

And lastly...

5-I'm sill reading your blogs. I may not have a chance to comment but I'm reading and following you all the same. I do miss giving you guys my very wise and humble opinion though :)

Corporate America: The Mother Robber!

They took me from my kids today and will continue to do so. Corporate America is EVIL!

*Disclaimer: Dear corporate America I have no real beef with you, my kids do. So please continue to send me paychecks, thank you.

I went back to work today (you already know this because I've been repeating this upcoming event lately) and that's why the world stopped for a second. You felt it didn't you? I know you did. There was a point in time today in which you forgot what you were doing or felt a slight confusion, that was me. That was the impact of me being taken away from my children. Lucky for all involved, I survived, imagine what would have happened with life as we know it if I didn't. Go ahead, you can breathe a sigh of relief. We are all okay, phew!

I had not been working for 7 1/2 months. I had to leave to be on bed rest since my heart was giving out on me (Crazy kids made me love them so much that my heart was on the verge of exploding) and then of course I had time to spend with the babies. I am very lucky and blessed to have been given 4 months to spend with the babies. And that's the thing, I've been on my own with the babies for a long time with not much adult interactions. You would think my co-workers would understand my Noah and Natalia's withdrawal but they didn't. Sure, they know it was hard for me and tried to be supportive but not once did they offer to let me burp them. Not once. The did not do any cooing for me nor did anyone get on their tummy to roll over so I can cheer them on, nope! But they all showed off that they can walk.....big deal, my kids pull themselves up when you hold their hands, ha! I wonder if they'll let me do baby talks to them.. I might try that tomorrow. I girl needs something to get through her day, no?

All in all it was a good first day back.I missed the babies a lot and I may or may not have cried but I survived. Ok, I did cry, one day at a time, right? 50% of the babies were good. Only one child loves me, the other one apparently could care less. Natty cried a bit in the morning and during lunch time. I was actually able to go today to see them during lunch but that was a one time deal. They are replacing the boiler at my job and it would be cold in any of the private areas where I could pump, I'll have to manage tomorrow but today I got a pass =)

Last Day of Mommy Freedom

I can't believe that I go back to work on Monday. Can't they just pay me to be a happy employee? And by happy employee I mean a happy stay at home Mom. We all know that a happy employee is way more productive than an unhappy one. Even if it means that I'm more productive at home, which doesn't help them BUT it doesn't change the fact that I would be happier and more productive-er*, does it?

I am sad to leave the babies but I'm a little excited to go back. I miss my people, they are pretty special. Obviously they are not as special as my kids but I guess I'll take what I can get, at the very least they wont spit up on me. Me on the other hand? I might spit up on them just for the mere fact that they are taking me away from my babies. Don't worry I wont get fired... I'll fake a stomach bug and say sorry with big innocent eyes. But you and I will know the truth. ::::evil laugh::::

The babies are going to be in the best of hands, my sister is going to watch them for me. Luckily she lives a few blocks from my job so I'll be close enough. Sadly I wont be able to see them for lunch. I only get 30 minutes and I need to use that time to pump and eat. I wonder if I'll cry. I don't feel like crying right now but I did cry 2 weeks ago when I got the return date. I wonder if they'll cry for me. I don't want them to. Well, OK, I kinda want them to shed a little tear just so that I know they love me and want absolutely no one but me, but I don't want them to really really cry. Maybe just a little sad mouth. Is that mean? That I want them to miss me? I just need something to tell me that this is not a one way relationship, ya know?


*Yes, I know this is not a word... yet. Jeff would say this is a new word to add to my collection of Shannyisms. But me? I say this is a perfect example of my point. I've been happy at home and became so productive I made up a new word for all to enjoy: productive-er. No need to thank me for such an awesome addition to the English language just send me a dollar each time you use it and we are even.

Bringing Sexy Back... as a deflated balloon?

Hmmm.. sexy deflated balloon. That's possible right? Maybe a tiny little bit? No? Okay, so it's not exactly sexy but... perhaps cute in a distorted kind of way? Thankfully I can't actually hear your answers so I'm sticking to yes on this one.

So I had two babies. My body got really really big and that was a wonderful thing. Nobody is saying it wasn't. Nobody regrets any of it in any way. But. A very big but. Time has passed. Kids are out and healthy and happy. But Mommy? She is starting to feel a bit self conscious. And that's expected because it's normal. It does not mean Mommy is not happy. I just want to clear that up from now, I don't want anyone thinking I'm depressed.

I mean, I know I just had twins. You know I just had twins. But strangers in the street? They don't know that and I'm sure they are judging me... meanies! I feel like hanging a sing around my neck clearing things up, I have a few options: 1-"Object in front of you appears fatter than in real life" 2- "I'm not as distorted as I appear, I just had 2 babies", if they are really mean 3- "I just had 2 babies, what's your excuse?", or 4-maybe I'll just hang this picture around my neck to explain the whole thing:

What do you think, will that work? Yeah, I didn't think so. Either way, take a look at the picture again, I still look like that... minus the babies... which means exactly what you are thinking.. they popped me and left all that skin hanging around. Nice huh? Like I said: sexy deflated balloon. Minus the sexy part, so there is no way I'm showing you a pic of my current condition. The upside? My Doc did such a good job with the incision that if you were to see me in a bikini (barf!) and ignore the skin and thousand stretch marks, you would hardly notice the cut. And since that's a lot to ignore I'm not sure my Doc deserve big thanks for the incision, she does however get huge thanks for popping the babies out for me.

So back to this body thing. I go back to work in 2 weeks, I can only fit the "extras" in big pants, so it's fitted on top and lose on the bottom, very weird looking. I don't like it. What are the chances of fixing this in 14 days? Apparently none, like the silly girl that I am, I panicked and decided to start working out. I exercised to a video last week and made my incision bleed. It never quite healed properly because of my hectic mother of twins life but it was better. Until I messes it up again. I need to do something about my body. I know I wasn't skinny to begin with, I was okay-ish waaaay back when, then I started all sorts of treatments to get pregnant and got chubby with all the added hormones. That was no problem though, it had a purpose and I was going to get big anyways, but now that's over and I need to move on.

I got Jeff and my brother to put our BIG treadmill in my bedroom (it used to be in the nursery before the babies) and will attempt to walk/run. Mainly walk since my perfect incision is so sensitive still. Wish me luck. I have little time.. in between taking care of the twins and pumping (and work soon) it means I'm sacrificing sleep time. I almost feel like giving up pumping to tell you the truth, it's exhausting and painful, but at this point I feel like that machine is one of my limbs from being attached to it so much,  I wouldn't know how to part ways. That and I still want to continue giving the babies breast milk for as long as I can. So, is it stupid to give up sleep time to work out? Resting is very important these days. Very. But so is fitting into clothes, no? I'm probably just being too hard on myself but I have to start sometime. Let's see what I give up first: Sleep, pumping or working out. If anyone has any advice, I'm ready for them!

I want to blog.....

So I'm blogging.
I'm not sure what to write about.
Pregnancy and motherhood did/do not give me as much to talk about as infertility.
Actually it/they did/do give me topics but by the time I get to sit down to write, I forget them.

I could write about....
The babies making talking sounds, they love saying "Ugghh eeehh" especially Natalia... she even says "Ugghleey" sometimes. Yup, she's pretty much full of herself calling other people ugly or ugghleey, however you wanna spell it. I could write about how they love to laugh and play. How they sleep at least 5 hours at night, both of them AT THE SAME TIME! Or about how much they love me and their daddy and their grandparents and their aunts & uncles. But then that's pretty much it on that topic. It's two babies, but they are very good babies. I lucked out. The end.

I could write about...
Me being able squeeze in some chores last week while I was all alone with the babies. I had time to do all the dishes, the laundry, vacuum and cook. That was the first for each one, however it wasn't as easy as it sounds. The dishes? I (still) get to do them around 3 am. The laundry? It took me 4 days to fold.. and I still haven't put them away. Vacuuming? I only did the rug in the living room because that's where we keep the babie's boppies. The cooking? That was only one night. I have a BUT for each one, but its progress. The negative of all that time? I realized I hadn't had a chance to even brush my teeth until Jeff got home. It's no wonder I had the time, my breath must have knocked the kids out. Don't judge, it's not nice! Oh, let me clear up that these things get done often but never when I'm all alone. Don't want you thinking it was the first time ever since the kids were born, now that would make me even judge myself.

I could write about...
Going back to work. I must return on February 7th, the day before they turn 4 months old. And while I know that I've been lucky to have had all this time with them I can't stop being sad about it. I keep asking "Why me? Why me?" but haven't received an answer so far. I'm not sure who is supposed to answer but I don't like that I have none. It is what it is. I guess I'll go back. Whatever. The topic is depressing so I'll jump to another one...

I could write about...
Another depressing topic: my body.
Actually this one deserves its own post so I'll just skip right along.

I could write about...
My embabies. My other kids. I don't care what you say, in my mind even though they are only embryos, I think of them as my babies. That's where Natalia and Noah came from, so how wrong can I be? We've decided to give them up. I cried about this but its the best decision for us. We are done with having kids. I even had a tubal ligation. And you may frown now but we are giving them up for research. If other's hadn't done the same thing in the past I probably wouldn't have Natalia and Noah. Knowing this still doesn't help the heaviness in my chest, but I don't regret it. There is a major reason why I'm done having kids, I love them and sure at one point I thought "you never know I might change my mind in the future" but now I know that I wont. Noah's condition is the reason. It's genetic. There is no way I'll put another kid through the same chances of having it, especially not if its a girl (She can be born with boy/girl parts and be masculine, etc) I love Noah and I feel guilty everyday for being the reason of him having CAH. I'm taking care of him but I don't want him to have another sibling with the same condition. So we are done.

Or I could actually write about all of the above, like I just did. Even if it took about 7 hours to write.. now the question is... if I had the time to write this... did I brush my teeth yet? I'll let you wonder..

(Okay, no I wont let you wonder, I don't want you thinking bad about me. Yes, I did brush... at about 4 hours in of writing this post)

3 Month pics!

Here are some pics of the babies taken this past Saturday when they turned 3 months.

Time is flying by way too fast.

You may notice that I used a basket once again, but what else am I supposed to do with all the gift baskets I received? They weren't just for the gifts, were they? Well, even if they were, I found a way to give them dual purposes. In these pics the babies are sick with a cold (their fever was gone already, phew!) and just in case you care I'll let you know that Jeff and I are now sick too. Well we are starting to get better now but feel free to still feel bad for us, it's not all about the babies you know. Anyway, I'll shut up now.... technically stop writing... whatever.. bye!

Basket: gift

Blanket: crocheted by my sister-in-law Zaira

Babies: Made by me... and Jeff... and the RE...

Natalia practicing for when the paparazzi is out to get her!

Mr. Cheeks

Miss Legs

We are twins so we pose like twins!

Can someone get her off me? Please?