Due to some recent begging on your part, Shanny asked if I would be a guest blogger on I did, I do, I will. I thought about it, I hesitated but after meditating and fears of "Because She Said So!" (see top), I decided to kick laziness to the curb and JUST DO IT! Plus I have a humongous heart, if you know what I mean! (wink)
Some wanted to know my point of view as a "MAN" regarding our infertility struggles. Some wondered if Shanny is as strong and brave as she may appear to be on your computer monitors. Well, I want to let each and every one of you know that your wait is now over!!! Just prepare a cup of hot cocoa, put on your Snuggie, and ask yourself this question: Can you handle the truth???
Before I get into my manly POV of infertility, I need you to understand how I feel about the woman you follow. She is totally awesome!
a) a lost soul, and
b) a willing man whore...
Ohhhhh boy, going out all the time, dating random beautiful women, having all the freedom in the world! (((head down, shaking head sideways))) What a sad, sad, awesome, sad, depressing, amazing, sorry, sad, lonely life that was!!! She saved me from a life of pain and probable multiple venereal disease checkups. Thank you Chichimama! :)
In all seriousness though, meeting Shanny was the best thing to ever happen to me. If you ever met Shanny in the actual 3D living world, you would fall in love with her instantly too! She has such a sweet nature, genuinely cares about people, and, has all the attributes I find sexy in a woman. She is beautiful, unique, clever (master of manipulation!), funny, sarcastic, compassionate, and has that killer smile that absolutely disables me!
You know she's funny, but what might surprise you is that she is actually VERY shy in public and is often quiet, especially if she doesn't know you well. It's in THIS blog where she is most comfortable and ridiculously hysterical! She's a writer at heart and I'm so glad you found her :) You enjoying her blog gives her the confidence that she needs to continue expressing her creativity. Mark my words, she will write an unbelievable fiction novel one day - you heard it here first! She is also a drama queen but somehow simple and easy-going at the same time - weird! Sorry honey, drama "princess" - she'll like that better....
How I deal with Male Infertility
Being the Mucho Macho Muchacho that I am, I refused to believe that these doctor's tests were correct, and disappointed that Shanny incorrectly shared with you the diagnosis of "low sperm count" or explaining that I had a "high concentration of white blood cells causing oxidation of the sperm cells, which limit the chances of sperm burrowing through the egg".
I talked to my balls, and we decided this was pure rubbish! So I secretly saw another doctor, Doctor Quack, who was willing to tell me the truth that I wanted to hear:
"Mr. Jeff, we finally found out the problem with your sperm. It's is irreversible unless you eat less meat and have more salad. As per your request last week we broke into your home in the middle of the night and we secretly placed a microscopic camera inside your wife's uterus. Nurse Johnson, please press Play now so we can show this powerful man what is the real problem. Now, look closely and watch as your army of sperm meet her egg.....BOOMMMMM!!!!! MAJOR EXPLOSION!!! The problem Mr. Jeff is that your sperm is sooooooo powerful, it destroys the egg on contact!"
Even after I drew a dramatization of the video I saw in the doctor's office in crayon for her (I lost the only copy of the video, my friend's dog accidentally ate it), she didn't believe it was true, and started babbling about the importance of getting a diagnosis from someone who is "accredited". Absolutely ridiculous!!!
That's how I dealt with it, by not dealing with it. Just like any "real" problem in my life :)
In reality, there wasn't much for me to do, other than take antibiotics, daily vitamins, wear free flowing underwear and avoid heated leather seats in cars. Man, I would get so jealous when Shanny would press her side's button for the Heated Seats...GRRRR!!!!
Dealing with IUI was quite an experience....I know Shanny made a funny turkey baster reference once, but I almost would have liked to try that ourselves at home. I don't know, I always felt weird handing my precious plastic cup over to the dude at the fertility clinic. I know this guy is a professional, but I felt strange passing it to another dude to wash my boys. He probably goes home and cries himself to sleep...I know I would!
Life is not fair but it is great!
Through the losses and heartache we've experienced, we still have eachother - my love for her only grows as the years go by. Is Shanny as strong in real life as she seems on this blog? Sometimes yes, sometimes no....but I always end up admiring her determination and will to succeed. She's competitive and she won't let infertility beat us!
She has said to me on occasion that she can't stand my sadness with the losses especially because she knows how great a dad I will be. And while I do want children, I only want children with a certain sexy spanish and west indian girl I know :) If we would never be able to have kids, my life would not be empty...I'm lucky enough to be married to my best friend!
That being said...I am so GRATEFUL and EXCITED that we have a BFP to celebrate again. I have faith that this time is going to be different, this is the one that sticks! It's time for me to finally learn how to change a diaper!
Thanks again for taking an interest in our journey...I appreciate all the love and support you show Mr. and Mrs. SaidSo...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL THE LADIES IN THE HIZZY, and make sure (unless under doctor's orders) that TONIGHT YOU GET BIZZAY (if you know what I mean) !!! Sorry, that was corny...
P.S. Brew Baby(ies?) Brew!!! :)
All my precious love,