Sunday, January 31, 2010

It's News Time.... Do you know where your children are?

Why yes, actually. They are in a petri dish!
Mingling and growing and like any normal siblings they are fighting and competing to get to the finish line first. Kids, I tell ya.

... Maybe I should start with yesterday's retrieval....

We got to the clinic, I got ready and by ready I mean undressed, went to meet Jeff in our section. I filled out some forms, answered questions and kissed Jeff good bye so he can go, umm, take care of business. They hooked up the IV and took me to the OR. There I laid down and they strapped my arms downs while the anesthesia kicked in. The doctor and the rest of the medical peeps were discussing whether the anesthesia causes a pain or a burning sensation when it hits the vein, (I felt paint) and the next thing I know I'm awake in my original bed all alone.

Then the nurse came to check on me and brought Jeff in. She got me some Ginger Ale and Cinnamon Graham crackers to help wake me up. And since I felt very selfish and didn't want to share any with Jeff, I ate that thing fast, very fast. The doctor then came and informed me that 8 eggiess were retrieved and that everything looked good (Why thankyou, I try) and that they would be calling me with an embryology report.

......Which brings me back to today......

I got my first report.
Out of the 8 eggies, 6 of them were matured and we have 100% fertilization. So we currently have 6 embabies doing their thing. I'm expecting a call later today to set up a transfer on Tuesday morning. Or depending on how they continue to develop at that point, the transfer might be Thursday morning. We shall see.

Oh, tonight will be Jeff's turn to become an injector. Progesterone Oil shots begin and will continue until transfer day. I'm also on Medrol (steroids) 4 times a day for 5 days and Doxycycline 2 times a day for 5 days again. I hate Doxycycline, its the antibiotics that gave me hell in December and made me throw up every single time I took it. Me no likey.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Ready, Set.... Retrieve!

It is set my friends, surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Yikes!
Yesterday's blood work and dildo cam loving session sent me home with this:

Right Ovary: 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 14, 13,13.5, 12.5.
Left Ovary: 23, 19, 16.5, 13.5.
Lining: 13.7mm.
Estrogen: 2,492.

And last night I triggered! I injected the HCG (Novarel 10,000) at 10:45pm. I went in this morning for more blood work and 2 page instructions for the retrieval and yadi, yadi, yada more meds, injections, etc. The only detail I'll get into right now is that I can't wear any makeup or nail polish or jewelry, WTF? Don't I have the right to look nice-ish? Gosh!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

So That's What It Takes!

All I had to do was do some public bitching to shame my follies into growing, how bout that? Apparently they don't like being embarrased, but I had to do what I had to do. It was for their own good, trust me follies... mother's know best. (Guess I'm back to being hopeful?)

This morning's date with my beloved Dildo Cam left me with the following:
Right Ovary: 18, 17, 17, 14, 14.5, 12, 11, 10.
Left Ovary: 17, 15, 14, 12, 10, 10.

I shall find out what happens at tomorrow's appointment. By the way, if I don't post about each appointment, cause I'll be going everyday it seems, I will be updating my journey's information  (bottom left on the page). So far it looks like I have 8 follies in the running to becoming my lab-made-baby. Things are moving along, finally!

Monday, January 25, 2010

I'm Feeling.....

1- Frustrated because my follies are growing slowly.
2-Full because they are taking up space in there. I'm bloated/swollen/ uncomfortable.
3-Irritated. Just because.
4-Upset cause its messing with my (non-existing) social life. I have to stay in so I don't miss my injection time.
5-Sleepy. If I could sleep 22 hours a day, I would.
6-Tired of my dildo cam lover. I need some space.
7-Bruised from all the injections.
8-Annoyed that I have to do all this in the first place
9-Sad that this is taking a little longer then planned. I know its still normal and expected but I want to get it over with NOW.
10-Bitchy, see all of the above. My excitement has left me for now :(

After 9 days of stims, this morning my dear dildo cam told me I have: 2- 15mm, 4- 12mm, 5- 11mm, 4- 10mm and many small follies. My estrogen levels are low enough for me to continue stimming.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

My Dates With the Dildo Cam

I think we are getting serious, the dildo cam and I.

Our relationship has taken, ahhh let's say a deeper turn? I wish we were exclusive, I have this nagging feeling that he's seeing other women. Can't expect less from a player I suppose. I know I could stop dating him but my mind is set. I guess I'm a sucker for punishment, it's just that he says the most romantic things to me and he makes my heart flip.

For example, on Saturday when we first started seeing each other, he told me that my lining was 4.4mm and that I could start shooting up the good stuff that night. No other dildo cam that has courted me ever said: honey take Gonal F and 1 vial of Menopur every night until our next date. Sweet, right? And then on Tuesday he decided to up me to 2 vials of Menopur. But so far the best news has been that my lining went up to 10mm. I'm slowly falling in love, the one thing that's holding me back is that he doesn't give me good news on my follicles. They are the same from Tuesday to Thursday, a bunch of small follies in each ovary. I need them to grow, darn it!

If he gives me bad news tomorrow morning I might start reconsidering our relationship, there are lots of other dildo cams that might give me just what I want. Guess I'm a player too.

What Should I do?

Keep this new background
Go back to the original?

I'm confused :-/

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Q & A, Part 2

And so it continues...

1-Do you speak spanish?

Si. Yo hablo espanol. =)

2-Who are your favorite authors?

Hmm, this may be never ending so I'll just mention my top 5: J.K. Rowlings, Stephenie Meyers, Dan Brown, Nicholas Sparks, and Sophie Kinsella.

-Do you have any body art? Piercings, tattos? Or are you a goody2shoes? You look 2 innocent lol

I do happen to be a goody2shoe. But with a twist of the wicked.
I have 7 piercings: 2 on my left ear, 4 on my right ear (2 on the top and 2 on the bottom), and a belly button ring, though God knows I'm not showing anyone that one for a while. And I'm a chronic toe ring wearer, even in pointy shoes. It takes dedication and numbness, after a while you don't feel  a thing.
One tattoo on my lower back. A simple tribal design with butterflies.

1-I don't know if this question is insensitive, but have you thought about adopting? Just curious.

Well Miss curious, I have actually thought about adopting. We haven't really discussed it because we are hoping we don't get to that point, we are selfish and we want our own, you know how it goes. Don't get me wrong, I know its a beautiful thing and I would do it in a heartbeat even if I do get pregnant but financially its not quite possible for us. Insurance doesn't cover that, so until we are done squeezing out as much as we can from Aetna, we are not stressing about having to adopt.

I know everyone just wants a healthy baby.... but if you could pick... boy or girl?

Honestly? With all the expenses and struggles and treatments that I am going through, I selfishly want one of each and call it a day. It's such a tough question and I know its wrong to want one over the other because either one would be a huge blessing for us, but I dream of putting pigtails on my lil girl. Whether or not that happens we will see. And if I have a boy then he will be my lil man and I'll be just as happy. I'll just have to put pigtails on myself that's all, besides it used to be a great look on me once upon a time.

1-Until you are preggers, what's your favorite adult beverage?

I'll have you know that I don't discriminate against adult beverages but have a strong connection with a Margarita. I've been missing her very much lately, but its for a good cause and she understands that. I'm also a wine lover =)

2-Why doesn't Jeff start a blog of his own? Men need to read this stuff too!!!

I think he is intimidated by my blog! In his heart he knows he can't do better than me, bless him. I kid, I kid. Jeff could be a great blogger if he wanted to do it but he is just plain lazy. His words, not mine. But if you guys want, feel free to request him to be a guest poster here to see how he does. Maybe you can send some questions his way. Just make sure he believes it was your idea. Though, I'm sure he'll be game!

Monday, January 18, 2010

You Had Questions, I Have Answers... Part 1

This might a little long so I'll get straight to it, shall I?
Here we go:

Jen or Angelina?

Jen, Jen, Jen!
Don't get me wrong, I think Angelina is beautiful and talented but I don't appreciate what she did to Jen with Brad. And even if that didn't happen, I would still chose Jennifer Aniston because I'm a huge fan of Friends and therefore loyal to Rachel  Jen. (Whether or not we are on a break.)

Relaxing night in, or a fancy shmancy night out??  

Oh Fancy Shmancy night out for sure...IF it's one of our birthdays or our anniversary, that is. The rest of the time I enjoy being boring and love to relax at home with Jeff or with a good book, either one will do.

- How did you and Jeff meet?

Once upon a time, 7 years ago, I got a new job where a certain flirt worked. He saw me and fell madly and deeply in love. My sarcasm got hold of his precious heart, the poor guy didn't know better, and when he saw my smile....well, I trapped him forever.
That's just the jist of it. You can read the whole thing in this post: Let me take you back to the start. 

1.Do you share your struggles with friends and family or keep it to yourself?

I'm such a private person that I only share with the World Wide Web. That's it, no one else. Even Jeff is lucky to know what's going on with me. He is nosy so there isn't much I can do about it. Serisouly though, I don't talk about it. If my peeps know about my blog, all they gotta do is check to see what's up. I try not to share what's going on with too many people because 1- I don't know how long it will take for us to become parents and 2- Even if I do get pregnant, I have a big chance of miscarrying again.
I don't want to be asked a million times how its going, once in a while its OK. I'm not ashamed I just don't want people to look at me with pity in their eyes everytime they see me. I know my story creates awareness in some ways, but its too much in my heart to talk about it over and over and over again. I write about it, that's how I deal.

2.Is Jeff as funny as you?

Well, he is doing some stand up comedy courses... if that answers your question. If not, then I'll elaborate a little more: No. He wishes, that's why he needs a course.
Having said that, you'll never get me to do stand up. Ever. I'm not good at telling jokes. Jeff is. He is very funny, trust me, I'm his wife. If that seems a little bias to you then help me convince him to share his final stand up with you guys in a few months. And um, if I suddenly stop updating my blog is because he murdered me for putting him on the spot.

3.Does he mind you airing your life on the Internet?

I dunno, I never asked.
Are you trying to ge me in trouble? Let him think he has some say in this? Stop it Samantha, Stop it! And Jeff, ignore her. She is just being silly.

1-Would you ever dump Jeff so you could marry me and get me into your country?

Absolutely. But we'll have to do it in Canada cause its still illegal in NY for same sex marriage, they just don't understand ya know? And before you jump up and down, let me warn you. This is going to put you on Jeff's shit list. The man is stuck on me like a leech. I Can't blame him though, I'm awesome.

2-Puppies or Kittens? Or do you really like to see them frolicking together?

Um, fishies?
We had a kitty and that was wonderful but if we do this whole pet thing again it will definitely be a puppy. Them frolicking together is just for amusement purposes =)

3-Have you ever had a "hater" on your blog before?

 Oh, no I haven't had the pleasure. The closest thing to it was like 3 posts below, someone was disapointed that I shared the awards given to me.  Apparently my title was deceiving, which is weird cause I really am cool. Still, I don't really consider them a hater, he/she did "assume" it was a nice post after all. And honestly, I think I'm too sensitive to have to deal with haters, they might just break my fragile heart.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Redeem Yourself I Say!

Last year this time I was in the hospital. I was nice and drugged up to help with the pain of my ruptured cyst.... and losing that babe.

Funny that exactly one year later my "serious IVF" phase begins. Tonight I start the follistim party. I will be injecting myself Menopur and Gonal F, while continuing Lupron shots in the mornings. My blood work and ultrasound from today went well, my next ones are on Tuesday to see how I'm responding to the good stuff.

So today being the day that it is scares me a bit. I hope its not the beginning of another endless road. In fact, I'm begging January 16th to redeem itself to me. Think it will work?

On a whole different topic, I decided to give in and play the Q&A game that's  going around. If you have any burning questions, though I don't know why you would, ask away!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I'm A Professional Injector

So I decided to entertain myself by being a daredevil and inject my tummy with NO ICE.

What made me do it? I haven't a clue. I was still half asleep when I went for it, strangely enough I didn't even hesitate, and you know why don't you? Cause I'm a professional already. But I'm not going to lie, it surprised me to feel the whole darn thing. The painful part was after I took it out, it hurt like a mother! Let's just say I was fully awake after that adventure. I mean, who needs coffee when you have needles to jolt you up?

The next statement is going to shock you as much as it shocked me when I told myself: I'm actually enjoying this whole injection phase. I find myself being excited to when I have to do 3 injections a day, not because a-baby-is-the-result-of-all-these-shots thing, but because I'm kicking my fear in the arse every time I stab myself. And because I'm proud of myself for actually becoming a complete pro at it. And because I have ice to back me up. I'm totally not doing this again without ice, I'm no masochist.

And when Jeff's turn gets here to give me, yet another, injection in the rear area for a week, I plan on sitting in a bucket of ice in preparation. Not only because those needles are humongous, but also because I distrust him, he is no pro like his wifey after all. 

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Because I'm cool.. or something...

I am the recepient of two awesome Awards.
The first one was given to me ages ago by the lovely AMS over at Surviving Long Distance Love.  If you haven't read her blog yet, run over and check it out. She is all the way in Canada so you'll be doing some Long Distance reading =)

The Happy 101 Award

The rules are:
1-List 10 things that make you happy.
2-Pass it on to 10 bloggers that make your day a better one!

These are my 10:
2-My family and friends

The second Award was giving to me by Risley over at Adventures of the Wilkinsons, another great blog to check out, it's no wonder she received this one herself! Thanks Risley =)

The Glamourous Blog Award

The rules:
1.Thank the person who gave you the award
2. Link the peron who gave it to you
3. Keep it going and give the award to whomever you would like..

My Awardees for both awards are:

1- Amber
3- Lindsey
6- Cupcakes with Nic
7- Cassie
8- Michele
9- Peetiepie
10- AMS (for the glamourous Award since you already have the other one!)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Screw Resolutions...

I tried not to do any resolution posts because it would make me feel obligated to keep up my word. And honestly that would be way too much work for me so no, I won't do it. Kudos to all of you who did though, all I gotta say is you'll envy me soon enough. You'll see. Instead I decided to share my bad habits. The ones I had the previous years and will continue to have in 2010. I mean well, I do, I just can't change who I am if I don't try. So please brace yourself for the shock: I'm not perfect. Consider yourself warned, here you go:

  • I don't like talking on the phone. I don't care how much I love you, I don't want to talk on the phone with you. HOWEVER, if you love me, you'll text me. I'm all about texts, they are short, to the point and saves you from awkward silent moments. And if I call you, its either a) You re special or b) It was an accident. Probably b.
  • I'm an antisocial. I don't enjoy going out as much as I used to. Blame it on depression, on personality disorder, on being my dad's daughter, aging, the economy or whatever. All I know is I love staying in to watch movies with Jeff or read a good book. Besides, there are far too many women shoving their babies and/or baby bumps in my face. Very rudely, I might add.
  • I've become a procrastinator. It seems I find it thrilling to wait until the last minute to do what needs to be done. Like Christmas shopping or having a kid for example, I always wanted it to be before I was thirty.... well I'm in the last possible weeks to make that happen. If this IVF works I'll be popping the kid out towards the end of October, 2-3 weeks before my 30th birthday. Ooooh, will I make the deadline? 
I'm not as bad as I sound though. I may not call regularly but *I think* I show my love and appreciation to those who deserve it everyone. I go out when its important, to family events or to visit my people, it just isn't as often. And the procrastination? well I'm counting on my ability to always reach the deadline to hook me up before my birthday. We shall see.

And even though I said what I said, I'm going to try to be better with my habits. I'm not committing to changing just to trying to be better. FYI: these don't count as resolutions since this is way past the beginning of the year, therefore, my title stands. 

Friday, January 8, 2010

O weekend, weekend wherefore art thou, weekend?

'Tis the long work week that makes me need you so.

And boy, do I? I'm tired. No, better yet, I'm exhausted. My head is going to explode and I can't do anything to stop it. Sure, they say Tylenol will help, well the LIE. Tylenol does not help, in fact it makes it worse because it makes you expect a relief that never comes. Ever.

Work has either been unusually busy or Lupron is kicking my butt. I'm not sicky, just tired and headachy. Luckily, the headache is not an all day deal but while its with me, I really really feel it. I have about 2 1/2 more weeks of Lupron, the last one being overlapped with Menopur and Gonal F. Even more injections, wooohooo! Behind all the excitment there is a lot of panic, FYI.

Sunday is my last BCP and I can't wait. It's way too hard tracking when 7:00pm shows up every evening. You might think I should know by now because it has been coming between 6:59pm and 7:01pm my whole life but trust me, it knows how to sneak past me and so it does. So dear weekend hurry up so I can rest and say good bye to BCPs. Have a good one everyone =)

Monday, January 4, 2010

That's it. Done. I stabbed myself like a piece of meat!

First Lupron shot was this morning. I was so anxious that I barely slept last night, this of course made me more nervous cause who wants to get stabbed by a restless amateur? Even if its yourself. Well, I didn't have a choice but to get it over with so I did it and guess what?

I didn't feel a thing.

You know why? because I numb the area with ice, that's why. Ha! take that needle, In.Your.Face. I didn't feel you. I'm not scared of you. Just petrified. I got my Ice Ice Baby and I can do this. I can so do this. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go and learn to breathe again.