I'm an addict

Hi my name is Shanny and I'm a pee-aholic.

For a lot of TTC'ers there is quite a numbers of days in which they POAS to see if they are ovulating. Double those days for me please. I have more days in my cycles so I never know when I will drop my egg and must keep peeing until I find out. When that's done you have your other week in which you POAS almost every day to see if you are pregnant. That's a lot.

After a year of this madness I have to admit that I look forward to doing it. Not because I expect a positive result (well maybe a little) but mostly because I'm so accustomed to it. I cannot go to bed with out "using" my pee sticks. I need to do it. I have to do it. I must.

In a way its a relieve (apart from the obvious) to know that if the stick is going to say "negative" at least I peed on it. Ha! take that you negative sticks! OK so maybe that's what they were made for BUT they weren't made for "mean" pee, were they? Nope, and that's exactly what they are getting cause they upset me.

I'm a pee-aholic 'cause I hide my sticks. I stash them in different garbage cans. You never know who is gonna check and judge you, do you? I hide them even from Jeff. Why? Because they are expensive and I may be using more sticks than I should.... daily... just to make sure... you never know. It has also crossed my mind, more than once, to buy different brands backup tests. How do I know that my monitor is working properly? Alright, so it got me pregnant the first time I used it but clearly you can no longer count on it. Clearly.

I've been known to take both the Ovulation and the Pregnancy tests on the same day. What if I had missed my positive O day and don't even know I'm knocked up. Its possible. Well for me anyway. Women tend to O between days 14-20 on average, not me. This cycle for example, I'm on day 37 and nothing. No O, no AF, no positive PG test. No sign of anything. Then again maybe I'm dying, slowly starting from my ovaries out and don't even know it.

Is there any You-are-dying-from-your-ovaries-out stick I can pee on to find out?