How do you deal with your anger? I don't mean to bury myself in my sorrows but I feel too defeated right now to fight back with all I have.
I know its not the end of the world, I know there are far worse situations out there, I know I have many blessings, etc, etc, etc, but my heart is filled with such sadness that right now I'm not sure how to cope. I was feeling very angry this weekend knowing that next month I would have been bringing home a lil one or that in December our 1st baby would have turned one. "Would have been" is a term I can't take out of my head and in some twisted way thinking about what could have been makes me feel a little better.
Was I a fool for thinking that after 2 years of trying our first cycle of Clomid would have worked? I guess so. We had hope, a lot of hope but apparently that was not enough. So this 2nd cycle of Clomid already feels like a failure, I don't seem to be feeling side effects yet. I know we have the added IUI procedure this time but I think I just lost my faith in the middle of all my anger. I will keep fighting of course and keep trying to find my faith back but not today. Right now I need to let myself feel every single ounce of defeat that I can. Hopefully that will help me wake up tomorrow with a determination to never give up.
Hi
ReplyDeleteIve been reading you blog for a while.
Just wanted to say hang on in there..... You are doing amazingly well. Of course you have the right to feel very angry and frustrated.
The 'what if's' are horrible. No point trying to say dont think about them.. becuase you will. But when you finally get your baby in your arms i promise you that all this pain, anger and frustration will melt away as it will have all have been worth it.
:)
You're right to allow yourself all of your feelings. Look forward to tomorrow and fill it with faith. Sending hugs and prayers...
ReplyDeleteWinks & Smiles,
Wifey
Oh Shanny I'm so sorry you are feeling this way but you do have all the right to. I have to say that I don't agree with you saying you are defeated, you know why? You are still moving forward and fighting for what you want you are just allowing yourself one day to take in all the pain and tomorrow you are going to kick defeat in the ass! Sending you lots of hope!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs. Your time will come SOON. It has to, right? I can't even begin to imagine what two years of trying feels like. But, know that you are not alone and that you have a ton of people rooting for you here on the Internet.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, we all have these days. And you are of course more than ok to feel them. I hope that your hope returns soon. I'm holding on to a lot of it for you. Oh, and as for not having any symptoms, don't let it discourage you. I had very few (none for the first few months) and look where I'm at now. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteYou may feel defeated today but hopefully tomorrow you will feel a little less so.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm angry I break things, better you don't do what I do. I know how defeat feels though so all I can wish is for you to be very proud when see how you rise from this, because you will rise from this and we will all be here rooting for you then too!
ReplyDelete((hugs))
Shanny, I'm so sorry. We all have are bad days, but I hope this one passes quickly for you. I am praying that this is your cycle and the iui does the trick! ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers sweet friend! Your time will come because you so deserve it!!
ReplyDeleteLet it out, sweet girl. You're entitled. The disappointments and the "should have been's" can be just too much sometimes. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'll continue to keep my fingers crossed that this is "it" for you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope adding the IUI will do the trick next time. We are all here to listen and support you.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up yet!!! Hang in there. I was completely devistated when my first round of clomid didn't work!!!!! I hope adding IUI to the mix will help you! I keep praying for you and Jeff.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. It's so difficult to get your hopes up and then not be pregnant ... again. It feel like a failure over and over again. We will somehow all get through this : )
ReplyDeleteOh no, I hope you kick defeat in its ass soon! I'm sorry you have had to live with disappointment over and over again. I'll be praying for this to your cycle!
ReplyDelete((hugs))