Used Paranoia Give Away

All you have to do is grab one from the list, its free.

I have become a paranoid mother. Well I think I've been one since the babies were born but I've gradually increased it to a point that I have too much and I decided to have a garage sale, except without the garage and the sale part, I'm just giving it away for free. They are used but in good condition so if you want one, take it, if you don't want it... take it anyway.

I keep thinking of a thousand different ways in which I can trip when carrying my baby. And the other one too. It doesn't matter which baby, they are pretty much interchangeable when it comes to this. I keep imagining that I'm tripping on the edge of a rug, a shoe, a peck of dust (oh trust me, I really think it can happen), trip on my pants... even if I'm wearing shorts... or no pants at all (don't get frisky, this only means I'm wearing a dress or skirt), or slip from the meltdown of a single snow flurry that miraculously got in the house through some tiny hole. You get the point, I'm bound to trip but since I still have to save the day, I then picture myself throwing the baby (whichever one) in the air, falling on my ass and catching that baby right on time, like the awesome mother that I am. And then I smile to myself. But, after a second of self satisfaction, the image in my head changes to me throwing that baby in the air, causing him or her to hit their head on the corner of a table (even though they are no where close to one) and me falling on the other baby and crushing that one, not such an awesome mother after all.

If that wasn't bad enough, I'm also paranoid of things falling on them. I imagine their name blocks falling on their heads when they are sleeping.... the shelves holding the name blocks are pretty far away... but somehow I think, hey! I'm in the room right next door a.k.a. computer room a.k.a. Noah's future room and I trip (yes the tripping thing is at the top of my list) and hit/push the wall and cause the blocks to fall on their heads anyway. It's not only blocks that can fall on them either. The TV can fall on them. The sofa can fall on them. The stove can make its way from the kitchen to fall on them. Heck, they just have some kind of gravitational pull that will make everything and anything to fall on them, but then, like the awesome mother that I am, I also picture myself throwing myself on top of them so that nothing hits them. Except of course, I end up crushing them and the awesome mother title goes right out the window once again.

They can get hurt when I'm giving them their baths. They can choke on the powder when I'm applying a single grain on them. Or something with the lotion that I dare put on their bodies, cause I don't know what but I'm sure the lotion can backfire somehow. I can cut their circulation by putting their diapers on too tightly. They can breathe in bad air, either because the air purifier isn't working good enough or because someone farted. Probably Jeff, not me, I'm a lady.

Or they can simply be nice and healthy with absolutely nothing happening to them, but lets be realistic here, what are the chances of that happening?