Thursday, July 3, 2008


Have you ever been hurt by people who you never thought would hurt you?

I'm sure your answer is yes.

Or things that people say or do that in general don't mean anything to anyone, but feels like a knife in the back?

I've been back and forth, deciding if I should post this part of my feelings. A month ago I thought: definitely not. I don't want to hurt any one's feelings... but what about mine? This is after all a place for me to let everything out, right?

I went to bed because I was very sleepy and suddenly started thinking of someone. I have a slight anger toward this person, so much that I'm wide awake and ready to blog it. And that's not all I did, my poor co-worker Brenda got a full blast of complaint just by asking about this person. Sorry Bren!

This person is supposed to care very much about me. I know I love this person and care about their happiness and sorrows and everything in between. When I had my miscarriage, all of the important people in my life knew about it because I needed their love. Not once did this person reach out to me to see how I was, not one call. After a while when we did speak, it was about their life, I just listened and stayed quiet. I don't intend to be a victim, I don't expect them to talk about it, nor did I want to. But I just wanted a "how are you?"....something to show that they cared about how I was doing since it was a very difficult time for me, like I would do for them. I'm still waiting....

Other things that hurt?

Innocent comments that are said with the very best of intentions. Unfortunately innocent comments can sting. It depends on where you are in your life and what is going on with it, that some simple words can be just that: simple.... Or very complex. With the mind that I have.... everything is complex... I'm not proud of it, but its true. I'm a complicated piece of work!

The ever classic one: "Relax".... Oh heck no! Please don't say that.... believe me its not as easy as you think. Its like hitting a kid very hard and telling them don't cry..... I don't know anyone close to me that has had difficulties getting pregnant and/or staying pregnant. Maybe its because for them it just happened. It all magically fell into place! We did relax. We did the whole relaxing thing for a few months, then I did research and tried "for real" and now I'm going on a year soon.... I simply cannot relax anymore.

I feel like a failure.

I feel like my body is out to get me.... And I'm the sucker still playing nice with it. (then again, maybe that's Jeff playing nice with it!)

It hurts that it has been so easy for the women in my family and so hard for me. My sister and sister-in-law God bless them are breathing fertility as they walk. I think I'm gonna stand in between them to see if it will rub off. I want what they have: a beautiful family. I know they may think that I am just obsessed, but as I mentioned to my sister before: unless you have been in my situation.... you will never understand the feeling. And I'm not saying this to them in particular, I'm just saying something that I already talked about with my sister. Girls this is not directed at you, the 2 of you just happen to be fertiles that I know =)

These are just my feelings about how I feel misunderstood. And how I feel let down by someone very important in my life.

I am angry and hurt... that's all. Next post will have a lighter mood I promise!


  1. Awww Shanny. Yes, I too have been hurt by people and it sucks. Sometimes people can't see beyond their own lives and problems. Even though we can't change them, we would like for them to see the error of their ways.

    And don't feel like a failure!!! My sister in law had a difficult time conceiving and was trying well over a year. Now they have a beautiful one year old boy. I'm positive it will happen for you! Stay strong and positive. True faith is tested in times of difficulty.

  2. we've all been there unfortunately, some people are just more concerned about their own lives. I know how much it means for your close ones to show they care and not necessarily have to talk about it. I hate the relax comment and all the variations of it, you are a better person for understanding its innocent. Hang in there.

  3. shanny I do know the felings specially when it comes from someone very very close to you like your on mom she keeps compering me with my sister, but you know what I love my sis and of course my mom I think sometimes she doest realize when ever she says something and hurt others but hey life goes on...and I try to pay no mine and its true life really sucks when you need that one person to support you and be there for you she or he is not there.

  4. I know exactly what you mean and I'm sorry that happened. It's weird . . . You have someone that you know cares for and loves you so much, but there's that one time (or many times) that person says something that feels like a dagger through your heart. In my situation, I don't think any of them truly meant to be so insensitive and hurtful, but it still hurt. I've learned through my losses that people are just ignorant and don't really know what to say, so they say whatever even though it might have been better simply to say "I'm sorry."

    I believe the only people who truly know what you are going through after a miscarriage are the ladies who have gone through it as well. Even more so, the ladies who have experienced such a loss recently. It is for those reasons that I blog and cling close to those who can truly understand. I've completely distanced some people who were the closest to me, but it's best for me right now. I hope you can find a way to heal that's best for you.

  5. Aww Shanny. I know so many people do not understand. I hate hearing "Relax" or anything like that. Some people just don't get it. Honestly I remember when a friend had a miscarriage probably 2 years ago. I had no idea how it felt and I don't think I treated her right back then. And I think a lot of people are like that. I am sorry though. We understand though. Keep your head up!


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