I've been going at it even while working full time. They've been awesome at work about it so I've been lucky about keeping it up there. I have had the occasional leakage from not being able to pump on time but that's the only issue I've gotten at work. And now? Now I don't know how to stop. I mean I know I have to not pump as much, etc, etc. but my heart doesn't know how to stop. I can't just not pump, like ever again, cause my boobs will just explode. But I feel like I'm being a bad mommy by stopping. Not that I think anyone is a bad mommy for not giving breast milk, I mean it in the sense that this is the only thing I know as a mom, and because of Noah's weaker immune system. I spent sooo much time getting my milk supply up, like in the beginning I spent 2 weeks straight pumping every 1 1/2 to 2 hours round the clock, and after all that work just to give up now seems wrong in my head. Don't get me wrong I am giving it up. I just can't wrap my head around it, yet.
I'm looking forward to wearing regular bras cause I've been living in my hands free pumping bustiers. So easy to just lift my blouse and pump. I'm looking forward to enjoying a glass of an alcoholic beverage (at this point I'm a little desperate so any will do) it's been over a year and half of none of this, except for beer. I tried beer to see if it would help with the supply a couple of times but I'm not a beer person, (and yes it works, I got an extra 2 ounces) . Another thing that's been over a year and half? My period. I haven't seen that read headed biotch since I started my IVF cycle (except for the bleeding after babies were born but that doesn't count). This I'm not looking forward to, at all. I suppose now that I'm finally a mom I should retire the "biotch" name in reference to my period, right? I'll think about it. She will no longer be breaking my heart every month so I guess I can make nice. Anyway, I'm also looking forward to blogging more. To not walk around with the darn pump everywhere. To not have sore hard as rock boobs. And most importantly to spend even more time with the kiddos.
I was making progress in the weaning off department but then I got sick. I've been sick this whole week, with something very flu-like. Not sure if it was the flu or not cause I did get my flu shot but it was crappy and I didn't like it. So when I had finally started to pump only 5 times a day instead of 8 and producing less because of taking medication, I hit a panic mode and started going crazy with the pump so that I can give the babies the milk and help them avoid getting sick. So now I have to start weaning off again. Those who did it... How does it feel? Is there really a sense of freedom? I'm not sure how long I'll take to wean off but I can't wait. And at the same time I can wait. I'm confused. I know I want to stop. Formula is good stuff and I have a freezer stash, so I'm ok with it, I just don't kow how to make myself stop! Anyway, since I worked hard for my freezer stash, I'm gona show it to you: ta da...
I will pat you on the back. 400 ounces of stored breast milk is AWESOME! I don't have any advice for weaning of the pump as I'm still nursing and pumping. I look forward to seeing what advice you receive.
ReplyDeleteAs for that virus that you thought was flu but you got the flu shot... I had that too. It was Yucky! Ariana did not fall sick, but my husband did. Guess we should be drinking my milk too. :-)
Oh no, I hope you and Jeff are feeling better!
ReplyDeleteI must say I'm impressed by your freezer stash, that's a lot. You really put in a lot of time, good job supermama! Oh and it will be more than a years pumping in half the time since you are still doing it lol
Making it to this point with twins deserves an award, I gave up with one baby early on, you are past the important phase now that they are on solids you can stop guilt free, good luck!
I made it to 6 months pumping for Emma and Joshua. When I quit pumping, I felt like the worst.mama.in.the.whole.world. Why? Well because a big part of my world was producing milk for my little babies.
ReplyDeleteAs time went on, however, things changed. I realized that my soul job was NOT to produce milk for my children. Instead of pumping early in the AM, I could sleep. Instead of finding a secluded parking lot in the afternoon, I could spend time meeting friends for lunch. And instead of pumping before bed, I could spend time with my husband. And after awhile, I realized that it is completely ok for my kids to have formula. They were no less happy and no less healthy when we started on formula (and generic formula, no less!)
When I was pumping and breastfeeding, I felt like that was my big contribution to my kids. As they have gotten older, I have realized that the quality time I spend laughing with them, chasing them and reading to them is what counts.
I weaned by dropping pumping sessions until the pain was bearable. Within 10 days, I dropped all of them. And after 2 weeks of buying formula, I almost forgot about it. And now that Emma and Josh are 16 months old? The whole thing is a distant memory that doesn't matter much.
Love you, Twin Mama. You are doing a great job!
Awesome, awesome job on making it this long. Oh, and 400 oz of stored milk is amazing to me.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some advice on weaning out the pumping but my breastfeeding experience was so different from yours. For one thing, I only have one baby. ;) I stopped pumping when Bridget was 4 months I think and even up to then, I was only pumping twice a day. Bridget self weaned at 10 months. I never had any pain or leaking though. I was very lucky.
I have heard, however strange it sounds, that putting cabbage leaves in your bra helps to dry up your supply quickly. Plus, the coolness of the leaves helps with the pain. Maybe try dropping a session every 2-3 days and wearing cabbage leaves? I hope you find something that works.
Shanny! That's a lot of milk! I know others have way more but those are stay at home moms, you did a wonderful job for "12 months" as a working mommy of twins, amazing. Just amazing.
ReplyDeleteWeaning off with the guilt weighing you, I have no advise. You already know to start pumping less but maybe you are not as ready as you think? I know you want your freedom, trust me I get it. I didn't do it for this long and I couldn't wait to spend more time with my bed also, but I didn't feel too guilty lol
I can't relate as I don't have kiddos, but I hear a lot of my mommy friends talking about the same thing!!
ReplyDeleteWow! I wish I had a freezer stash of 400 ounces! Great job Momma! I really don't have any advice for you either, I just started supplementing my four month old with formula, but I still nurse her on demand when she's at home.
ReplyDeleteYou are a great momma EVEN if you stop now so try not to beat yourself up too much. With one baby it was hard to keep up brestfeeding I can only imagine with two. You got through the first 3 months which is the crucial time so kudos for that alone. The rest of the months were just bonuses :)
ReplyDeleteOh and don't retire the biotch name, she gave you hard time for many years, so she will be a biotch for the next 5 years at least lol
Watch out for the mood swings when you wean off the pms will hit hard, it made a huge biotch when I did, tell jeff to run!
Your freezer stash is amazing! I sadly still have a freezer stash because I don't know what to do with it. Once the babies had formula regularly, they hated the breastmilk and wouldn't drink it for anything.
ReplyDeleteNot pumping is the greatest feeling in the whole entire world! You can sleep more and spend way more time with your babies. I wanted to dry up ASAP so what I did was quit cold turkey and I only pumped when I felt like my boobs were going to explode. I also took antihistamines, Benadryl especially (and DH had to do night duty) because it will help dry you out faster. I heard that from a friend and then my OB confirmed it so I gave it a shot and I had free boobs in only one week!!
Good luck, enjoy having your boobs back and more time with your babies and you did great!
I too am wanting to dump the pump. I'm not in a real hurry but I'd like to be done by June, my baby is 6 1/2 months old now and I've got about 3 months in the freezer. I said from the beginning that my goal was one day at a time so I'm pretty proud I made it to 6 months. I'm afraid it's going to take a long time to quit. I'm down to 4 pump sessions a day now and I'm still making 50 ounces, it's kind of scary really. I'm not sure I'll ever dry up. I'm a Holstein cow over here but I'm sooooo looking forward to sleeping and just relaxing at night instead of pumping and I also would love to wear a regular bra again. I've been sporting the uniboob look for way too long.
ReplyDeleteOk sorry for the longest comment ever.
You've been nominated for the Versatile blogger award. You can pick up your badge on my blog
ReplyDeleteAwesome job, Shanny! I think 6 months with twins definitely deserves an award. :)
ReplyDeleteOhhh goodness, I don't know how you do it...ill have to seriously think about it someday!
ReplyDeleteYour super mom!!