They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yes? Well, if this is true. Somewhere in the world there must be one or two 99 year old ladies who will find me sexy.
Let me explain:
I had babies, bla, bla, bla, this is old story *yawn* you already know this.
My belly got big and I got two special things along with it (not the twins):
1- stretch marks and
2- a linea negra.
We are still on the same page, right? Ok, let's move on.
Now, NOW, and I mean right this moment, said belly with the help of the linea negra and the stretch marks, has turned into an old man's butt. You read that right, an old wrinkly man's butt. The linea negra is in such way that it appears to be the butt crack and well, you can imagine the rest... let's not even try to figure out what the belly button could be (heehee). I will of course NOT show you a picture because I rather let you think that I'm exaggerating (I'm not). Just know that when you see me and I still look pregnant, the reality of it is that I'm carrying an old man's butt flapping over my lady business. Jeff is one lucky man I tell ya. Obviously, I don't walk around flaunting it.
Is it sad that my old man's butt actually has more cushion than my own butt? If only I could transfer it from my front to the back.... *sigh*
The thing to know is that you must, under all circumstances, keep your grandmothers away from me. They might recognize the shape and then wont be able to keep their hands off me. And nobody wants to beat up an old lady for getting too excited, much less me... or Jeff... for that matter. He does happen to be married to my extra butt. Poor guy.
Needless to say, I'm sexier than you cause I'm the one rocking two butts. That's four a$$ cheeks! What you got to top that? Huh, huh?