Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day!

Sadly a Mourning Day...

To all the beautiful mother's in my life, I just want to say: ***I Love You***

From here on I'm bitter so you may not want to continue reading. There is a poem at the end that fits like a globe to how I feel this day...

Today is a tough day for me. Not only because its Mother's Day (which I can't celebrate), but it also happens to be exactly one month since my miscarriage. I am very proud of myself that I was able to celebrate our moms, and didn't think too much about how sad I felt while spending time with them. Now that I'm back at home, with time to think, I am so... so sad that today precisely had to be one month since my loss. And I say "my loss" because apparently at this point, I should be moving on. It's amazing how this tiny thing that was with me for an extremely short time has this huge effect on me.

I miss it, it may not mean anything to anyone else now that its gone, but I miss it.

I'm hurt. And that's the only way I can explain it. Maybe me being very sensitive has to do with it, maybe not. Maybe those who have not experienced this think that I'm being selfish right now, that I should get over it and move on to the next one... I'm trying to, but today I mourn. Today I mourn because I have the right to feel that for a very very short time I was a mom, because it was my baby and it died, because I have the right to never forget it... and it doesn't matter if in your eyes all I'm being is dramatic. The pain is real, and its mine. It's a pain I don't wish to share with anyone. I just want all of you moms to know that you are very blessed and I envy you.

I'm going to share a poem that I read on a message board. ToraDales thanks for sharing.

Dear Mr.Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.

I just popped into visit
your stores to find a card.
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake,
I saw every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside.
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories, our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She prays for other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr.Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way, to remind her
of her wondrous worth.

She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth
on Mother’s Day will do.

Thank you Mr.Hallmark,
I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I’ll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.


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