Monday, May 5, 2008

Tic Toc...

As far as my family is concerned, the clock is ticking..... Every time there is a family gathering I hear it in my head (Tic Toc... Tic Toc..) I dread the question, which I know will be asked sooner rather than later..... Sooo, when will you guys have kids?
Its not that easy people! If you read all the books I've read, obsess with other girls in pregnancy forums... (my fellow nesties, smile), and try every month during your most fertile days, you would know its just not as easy as you are led to believe.

My close family members, they are very smart, they do not question me about this. Not because they know we've been trying, but lets just say that they know me only too well. Actually, if I had it my way, I would've told them after my first trimester: .... Ta da.... we are pregnant! (like a big slap in the face) But it turns out that the same reason that I didn't want to tell my parents & siblings is exactly what made me tell them that we were even trying. ...weird how life works.
I wanted to wait until the "risky" first 3 months passed in case I had a miscarriage (never actually thought it could happen to me), because I just *knew* that I wouldn't want to face them, tell them such a sad news, or have them feel bad for me or tell me the wrong thing (you know: you are young, it will happen again; at least you know you can get pregnant; keep trying, etc). To someone going through this, no matter how much we know they mean well, it hurts like a mother*****r. Well, turns out "it" could happen to me, I did have a miscarriage, and guess what? Boy I needed their comfort! So I came clean to them, and now they know that we are trying, BUT they are still smart enough not to keep asking about our "progress".

So back to this Tic Toc business, my extended family on the other hand, WILL keep asking...
Not because MY clock is ticking, but their clock, as far as they are concerned its how it works: you get a boyfriend, you get married and you start your family. To get into my family's point of view/culture requires its own blog, so maybe I can summarize it in a later post. So what is wrong with Shanny? Why is she waiting so long? Well, at first it was because we wanted to enjoy each other for a while and travel around, then it was because we wanted to wait since we knew that my brother and sister-in-law were trying and we didn't want to steal their thunder (OK, so maybe I wasn't quite ready, but good enough excuse). After, we were in the 'we are not trying but not preventing' phase, and then we officially started to try 7 cycles ago.

It takes an average couple 6 months to a year to get pregnant, and for us it was 6 cycles/9 months cause I have long cycles. I admire all of those girls who try month after month, going on over 2 years or more and they never give up, so I'm not crying a victim here, I realize there are others who have way more problems than us when it comes to this issue. For me now that it happened and its gone, I guess my own Tic Toc song is tattooed in my brain. I Am Obsessed! A year and a half ago, I thought it would be cool if it happened but wasn't too sure. Since then I educated myself in the how, what and most importantly when to try to get pregnant. I take my temperature religiously every morning before I get out of bed, for 10 to 20 days I POAS (pee on a stick) to see if I'm ovulating since my cycle isn't too consistent, I tune in every 60 seconds to my body to see if it shows any "sings", I've been taking prenatal vitamin for 9 months now (ironic), and now I'm even writing about it.

I've come a long way since the "I'm not ready" phase, as you can tell by all the things I'm doing. There was a point I wasn't sure I could do it, and don't even mention anything about giving birth (freaked me out, I mean my cramps are bad enough). Of course, now that I am ready and want it sooo bad, it seems our baby has its own schedule while my own Tic Toc is driving me crazy.

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