Wednesday, July 9, 2008

I'm Free

Since yesterday I'm officially free to:
  1. Drink alcohol if I want to. Getting wasted sounds like a great idea right about now... if only I could handle it.
  2. Exercise hardcore and not worry about "hurting" anything.
  3. Highlight my hair.... and I might just do that.....
  4. Help lift the heavy boxes when we move.
  5. Paint my house with no worries.
  6. Cry all I want to because once again my body has failed me.
  7. Cry some more.
  8. Put TTC on hold. I'm tired, fed up, and frustrated with the whole thing.
  9. Not be serious about #8, once I know O is around I know we will try again. I'm a sucker for punishment!
  10. And finally: Free to be as angry as I want to for as long as I want to.

BUT I am not angry anymore, just sad. I want to look at things differently. I'm lucky to have a supportive husband who holds me and hugs me until my crying comes to an end. A husband who makes sure I know that I am loved and truly makes me feel that everything will be O.K. With his positivity around me, I'm now convinced that our baby was meant to be "made" in our first house, not just some random apartment. Not that I have a choice, but it makes me feel better =). I guess I have to help with the moving after all..... here I was thinking I had a good excuse not to lift anything...darn!

I know God has a plan. Whatever is meant to be will be. However, if anyone has any idea of how I can convince God to be on board with my plan, please, please, please let me know!


  1. Aww Shanny, I'm so so sorry. This must be a huge disappointment. I can't imagine being let down month after month.

    Stay strong and positive. You're right..God does have a plan for you. And as much as we want him to follow OUR plans, his are much better for us. I'm sure you are going to be a mommy one day. Just have faith and know that in his timing it WILL happen!

  2. I'm sorry that you got AF. Hang in there girl, your time is coming.

    Also, I like your new pic at the top of your blog, very cute!

  3. Oh Shanny. I'm so sorry to read this. Your heart seems to already be heading in the right direction. God IS in control.


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