I'm Free

Since yesterday I'm officially free to:

1. Drink alcohol if I want to. Getting wasted sounds like a great idea right about now... if only I could handle it.
2. Exercise hardcore and not worry about "hurting" anything.
3. Highlight my hair.... and I might just do that.....
4. Help lift the heavy boxes when we move.
5. Paint my house with no worries.
6. Cry all I want to because once again my body has failed me.
7. Cry some more.
8. Put TTC on hold. I'm tired, fed up, and frustrated with the whole thing.
9. Not be serious about #8, once I know O is around I know we will try again. I'm a sucker for punishment!
10. And finally: Free to be as angry as I want to for as long as I want to.

BUT I am not angry anymore, just sad. I want to look at things differently. I'm lucky to have a supportive husband who holds me and hugs me until my crying comes to an end. A husband who makes sure I know that I am loved and truly makes me feel that everything will be O.K. With his positivity around me, I'm now convinced that our baby was meant to be "made" in our first house, not just some random apartment. Not that I have a choice, but it makes me feel better =). I guess I have to help with the moving after all..... here I was thinking I had a good excuse not to lift anything...darn!

I know God has a plan. Whatever is meant to be will be. However, if anyone has any idea of how I can convince God to be on board with my plan, please, please, please let me know!