First RE appointment

I'm a bit late on this but I was busy getting older and obsessing over Twilight. Sorry.

We met the RE last Wednesday. He is very nice and made us feel comfortable. He went over both our results with us and gave us an idea of what to expect along with prescriptions for more testing. Great.

Jeff has to do another Semen Analysis. The RE said that the low count could have been due to a cold, fever or stress. This doesn't help Jeff's case. The man is always stressed. Anxiety should be his middle name. But we'll see the next results and go from there. He might have to see a Urologist but lets hope he doesn't have to. Jeff's mood increased significantly after finding out that his result may have just been because of stress. His ego feels a little better, and he is not as upset about having to do another analysis this time. Why? Because he doesn't have to do his thing and hurry to a lab in less than 30 minutes to drop his boys off. This time he gets to go to the RE's office where they have a proper room with visuals. Yay for him.

I of course had to do my MRI on Saturday. I'm waiting for the results and trying not to freak out. No one wants to hear they might have a tumor in their brain. I really really hope that its nothing or that its less than 1 cm which the RE said we could work with. Easy for him to say. I just think less than 0 cm is the best, and he is content with less than 1 cm? Clearly its not his brain we have to worry about. If that is the case, then we move on to taking drugs to bring down my prolactin levels. Either Bromocriptine or Cabergoline. They both sound weird to me, the only thing I know for sure is that they are expensive. The best news he gave me is that he is ruling out all other diagnosis and that all I have is the high prolactin. He said the symptoms mimic those for the PCOS and he doesn't think I have that. I don't have excessive guy hormones after all woohoo!

Depending on Jeff's results I might just take one of the drugs to regulate my cycles and try ala natural. Or we can be more aggressive and try that with IUI and maybe even with Clomid. This is to be discussed after we have all the facts together. I personally would just go for it and screw the facts but I guess he has to be a goody-two-shoes. Whatever I guess. =)

Jeff and I both went early this morning to get blood work done. The attendant had a great advice for us. She said: "just relax and it will happen." I almost took the needle and stuck it in her. There is something you never, ever, hear. I mean who would think of relaxing? It seems to be the new treatment no one has heard of. Gosh! Those of us with fertility issues DO NOT want to hear that. You know? We were plenty relaxed when we first started trying and were very naive too, it didn't help. I don't live far I might still go poke her with a needle. Tempting.

Happy Birthday to me!

I would sing happy birthday to myself but no one (specially me) wants to hear that. There is no need for a headache.

I'm now 28 years old. My gift? An MRI.

I had that done today. I didn't like it. It lasted about 50 minutes and I was freaking out. Its hard when you are claustrophobic, you want to scream, you are about to pass out but absolutely must stay still. I wanted to stop it quite a few times but didn't want to stay longer just because I was stupid enough to interrupt it. Then I convinced myself that I don't have to do it if I don't want to and if I have a tumor I don't want to know anyway. After all the drama in my head, I was taken out given a shot and went back in for another 15 minutes. At this point I was thinking Jeff was better off without me but stuck it out like a big girl. But if I have to do it again I'm going to stamp my feet and refuse to do it.

My first present was Twilight.

Um, I don't want to say much. I liked some parts but I'm disappointed. I don't know... I'm confused. I think their low budget ruined the movie and some of the acting wasn't too good. I'm not saying anymore except that it wont stop me from seeing the future movies if they make them, I'm sure the budget will be much bigger. Plus I'm a fan so I'll be there.

Obsession, Obsessive, Obsessed

Who? Me? Never.

OK. I confess. Always obsessed is more like it.

Its part of who I am and always will be along with my love for the dramatic. I try balancing my obsessions but that never works out. There is always one that wins and tower above others. Wanna guess which one that is right now? It has to do with vampires =)

I can’t wait for the movie on Friday. Jeff was such a sweetheart and bought the tickets a few weeks ago and will take me on opening night. What an awesome husband! He is taking me to see my vampire crush… well…. he will be there as a chaperone but its still nice. It’s actually a good idea that I go with Jeff anyway, he will make sure I behave myself and not be too wild. Also, he'll be handy if I have the need to bite someone.You never know.

Obsession # 2 happens to be our fertility issues. Tomorrow is our first appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist and that’s when all the intensive testing starts… including my feared cat scan. This whole thing is very depressing but lucky for me I’ve had the Twilight series to keep me distracted. See how it all comes down to obsession #1? Very important stuff I tell ya. I owe my sanity to my fantasy romance with a vampire… then again that proves that maybe I’m not that sane.

The last thing on my obsession list: my 28th birthday. (Saturday)

I’m not sure how I feel about it. 28 is young. I know that but my life isn’t where I thought it would be at this point. I have many blessings and for that I am grateful. I have the sweetest husband, a house of our own, and a wonderful family. I’ll get back to you on the health department though; the status is currently on hold. All in all my life is great, I’m just missing a mini me (he or she, whichever). I’m a bit nervous cause this birthday means I’m very close to 30 and I have to start parting ways with my 20’s, I'm getting old. On the other hand I’m excited cause 28 will be the age that I become a Mommy. Right? I hope so anyway, since I'll be working on that obsessively. Whether its the natural or the scientific way I know God will bless us with our own little brat.

OK, back to #1..... I have 2 more days... woohoo! The movie starts at 10 pm and end at midnight so I'll go in being 27 and will come out 28. I'm going to age during a vampire movie. Weird.

Could things get worse?

I should definitely stay away from that question in the future.

My RE appointment is this coming Wednesday. As it approaches, my mind is going a million miles per minute and of course I investigate. I need to know what to expect and I need to understand what they tell me. I don't speak Doctor language and I try to learn as much as I can so I don't have to sit there with a dumb look on my face while things are being explained to me. A bit obsessive yes, and it doesn't help that certain members of my family are kind of the same. My sister-in-law, Jeff's brother's wife, has a cousin who deals with my type of issues. She can obsessive too and went digging to find out about what's going on with me. She found out that the Fertility group I'm going to is really great, this is good. The bad thing is that she also found out that I will need a cat scan.

I freaked out of course. Then I had Jeff call his aunt who is a Doctor, I don't feel comfortable talking to his family members on the phone, I'm weird, and she said I will absolutely need one. My high prolactin levels are to be blamed. Its one thing to know that I have certain health problems but when you bring in the words "cat scan" it all just sounds worse. Why didn't my OB/GYN tell me this? I'm not sure, she did say she wasn't comfortable discussing these things on the phone and I didn't push because I was shocked.

Forget my other three issues, they are on the back burner for now. Back to this high prolactin level thingy, it can be caused by a number of things including thyroid and kidney problems so I will be tested on these too. Or it can be caused by a tumor in the pituitary gland, which is in the brain. This is why I need to get a cat scan, in case I have an unwanted growth, which if I do.... explains a lot about my brain..... but I don't so that's that. I trust my self-diagnosis more than my future cat scan.

In my heart, I know that I'm fine. I have faith that its nothing too bad and that I will OK. But this same heart is beating very very fast because of the small possibility of things turning ugly. I'm trying my best not to worry too much but I'm still pretty freaked out. I wont be able to breathe freely until that possibility is ruled out. Can you help me pray that the only thing wrong with my brain is that I think too much? Its most likely the cause anyway, me being me and all.