I want to thank everyone for the support you have offered Jeff and myself. I was overwhelmed when I read the comments (Jeff printed them and brought them to the hospital for me), they really helped to give us courage and stay strong. Zaira thanks for the food even though I couldn't eat it that day (I did devour it when I got home though). Also for my friends and family who called and/or sent me text messages (my favorite form of communication), I truly appreciate it and I'm grateful to have you in my life.
Crystal thank you for updating the boards for me. The responses were really great, they certainly made Jeff happy to see how his "male" point of view was so meaningful to those who go through our sad experiences.
And now my update, I'll try to make is as short as possible.
So a second pregnancy loss for us, huh? It absolutely sucks. I can't say that I'm surprised considering how my levels started but we had hope, especially Jeff, and of course now we are crushed. The sad thing? It's not over yet.
Let me start from my visit to the ER.
As Jeff said, I had the worse pain EVER and when I couldn't stand it anymore I forced him to take me to the Emergency Room. I've never been in the hospital before and I only planned on going to give birth, that's it. I would avoid it at all costs but Thursday night I knew I had to go. We are still not 100% sure what happened. More than likely it was a ruptured cyst. On the ultrasound it looked huge... but I don't know the exact size. It was filled with fluids and blood. On the other hand it could still be due to ectopic pregnancy. There is no way to tell because we can't see anything since the levels are so low. It's smaller than the head of a pin, so there is no way we'll see it.
They kept me on IV and Morphine and absolutely no food or fluids in case they needed to take me to the Operating Room. They poked me like I've never been poked before, I had about 6 rounds of blood work. I hate needles! There was a chance that they would have to do surgery if they found that it was indeed ectopic but thankfully I got out of that one.... for now. Yesterday when I woke up, the pain was gone. This made them think that it must have been the cyst and decided to release me. I was so happy because it meant I could finally eat. Yay for food.
Today I went to the RE.
I had more blood work done, I'm bloodless at this point, and another ultrasound. I saw the cyst and it seemed smaller. I did have pain again last night and today but it wasn't as bad so I took Advil to ease it. Since I know the pregnancy is not viable I figured its fine to take my beloved Advil cause Tylenol just doesn't cut it. As of my results from the hospital on Saturday my HCG went down to 344.9 and today's result form the RE's practice was 425. This means nothing because its just too low and its been too many days in between. We are leaning more towards ectopic but there is no real way to tell.
I was given the option to have the surgery if I wanted to be sure everything is clear, to have the Methotrexate shot or to wait it out. I chose the shot. It's actually a chemotherapeutic type of medication and it's used to treat ectopic pregnancy. I figure it was the best option since my levels are low and it should do the trick to keep me out of the OR. It will stop the cells from dividing and/or developing and end this whole thing for me, if not then I will still need the surgery. I'm praying I don't so that we can move on from this. It's just too devastating.
I don't think it's going to really hit me until I find myself fully miscarrying. I got 2 shots today on either side of my buttocks, which is good cause I do like everything symmetrical. But now they both hurt and supposedly I'm going to feel like crap, great... can't wait! I might start bleeding in about a week after getting the shot or longer, as if there was a reason to prolong the misery.
I know how heartbroken you feel right now and I'm sorry. You are absolutely the most wonderful husband and you make me extremely happy. And you are right, we will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. Not that we need this kind of experience to bring us closer but it does make me appreciate you more. I know that I couldn't do this if I didn't have you and I know that one day you will be an amazing daddy. I'll see to that =)
I love you more than words can express. Muah!