Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Ouch!

The pain is insane. It's not only the cramps and body ache that the shot is making me have, along with the TMI stuff (I'll save you the details), but remember the pain that sent me to the hospital? Its back. Not as bad, thank God, but its there accompanying the rest of it. WTF?

I can't even concentrate enough to suffer my loss, not sure I want to either. The physical pain is kicking my behind and I'm not allowed to take pain killers. Real pain killers I should say. I can take Tylenol but I might as well just drink water. Who are they kidding? I want my morphine back! I'm all about the drugs, give them to me and no one gets hurt. Of course the pain won't exactly let me go through with my threat so I'll just suffer quietly at home.

I think its getting better but I'm not too sure. It goes and comes and believe me the pain sure likes to make a statement when it comes back. On the other hand, my heart feels very heavy. Devastated is putting it mildly and yet I can't fully cry about it. Sure I have tears here and there but I'm trying to hold back. I'm in denial and I know it, I just can't let go. I don't know how. In some sad way I'm glad I'm feeling physical pain because I'm just not ready for the emotional part of it.
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6 comments:

  1. gallerygirlJanuary 21, 2009 at 3:54 PM

    I'm so sorry. I know you don't want to think of the emotional stuff right now. I hope you can find peace in your heart and mind once it does finally become real.

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  2. AnonymousJanuary 21, 2009 at 4:15 PM

    Shanny, I just want to reach out and give you a hug. You are enduring so much and I wish there was a way for all of us to take it away or at least ease the pain.

    My prayer is that you get through this difficult time and reap the wonderful rewards soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Annie MarieJanuary 21, 2009 at 4:45 PM

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  4. kateJanuary 21, 2009 at 10:53 PM

    Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you'r going through all that pain. It sucks. You are in my thoughts often and know that when you're ready to deal with the emotional pain, we'll all be here for you. ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  5. JanineJanuary 22, 2009 at 2:28 AM

    I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I know the emotional pain is much greater then the physical pain. You and Jeff are both in my prayers. Try to take it easy. (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  6. aprilJanuary 22, 2009 at 9:26 AM

    Shanny, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. Just take care of yourself as best you can and find comfort in your hubby :) My thoughts are with you.

    ReplyDelete

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