I started spotting a little bit. I called my OB/GYN to see if I should worry. I was asked to come in so they can check me out. It was brown spotting and I was told that it seemed OK because that means it's old blood, probably left over from implantation. They took my blood for testing and I had an ultrasound. We saw the sac, just the sac. I was 6 weeks 3 days pregnant.... there should have been a fetal pole... instead there was only an empty sac. Considering I ovulate so darn late in my cycles it might have been normal but the Dr. seemed concerned. Jeff and I were still hopeful.
Friday April 11th, 2008
I went to work with all my nerves on edge. I started cramping and of course that led to freaking out. Around 2:00 PM I got a call from the Dr.'s office. I was told that the pregnancy didn't seem viable and that I should expect to miscarry over the weekend. An hour later I was in the bathroom saying good bye to my baby.
My heart still cries for that baby. My heart now cries for 2 babies. Today I don't feel like I'm strong enough to try when my new cycle starts. It might make me a coward but I'm OK with that.
I was feeling excited about April because my body got more than enough time to heal. But my heart? I'm not so sure. Maybe its because today is such a bad anniversary and it makes me sad and afraid. We will see what I decide to do. For now I just want to focus on our blessings and wish everyone a Happy Easter!