Lemme do your Lazik for you.... for FREE!

Today I witnessed my dad getting the lazik eye surgery. I actually saw the whole procedure, from beginning to end, and therefore:

I am now a pro.

I'm now qualified to perform miracles with my own hands. The only thing is that we'll have to sneak in at night to get it done. I obviously don't own the equipment necessary and I scoped the place out: no cameras! We'll be in and out in no time. And you won't even have to worry about the sun damaging your eyes right after you are done. How much better can it get?

Here is how it will be done:
You'll lay down on the bed thingy and I'll give you a bear to hold, like such:
(And if you have to strain your eyes to see the bear, you really need this surgery... call me!)

Then, I turn on the monitors. I'll have to look for the power buttons and figure things out as I go. But please don't worry, I know my way around a computer, I do have a blog, don't I?
The details were easy to see cause of the big TV... I actually felt like I was being watched...hmmm

So as you can see, there was no way I would have missed anything. Well, except for the part where they measured his eyes with the weird machine. I'm going to skip all that and just use a tape measurer and/or a ruler, its really the same difference. And I know you may be worried that I was standing outside of the room, however I promise you that I will be in the same room with you. I might close my eyes in certain parts though. Cause honestly? The part where they cut the thin film from around the eyeballs is pretty scary. I don't wanna see that again! After that's done, I'll scrape the eye nice and hard and then shoot blue lazer lights into it, and ta da! You are done!

That being said, I don't know that I'll actually have the nerves to do lazik myself after seeing it. But you and I are different people. If you are cheap and don't mind me screwing up your eyes, call fast!