Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Do I have the right or am I being selfish?

When it comes to the whole giving birth thing, I haven't actually been into having a birth plan or whatever. All I know that I'm prepared to do is just to deal with whatever comes up and trust in my Doctors. I do, however, have one tiny request... but this is for after they are born.

I'm about to sound very mean and selfish..... you are warned...

As you know complications can happen, especially with a C-section. I could bleed too much, I could react weird to medication or I could simply be completely knocked out with all the drowsiness, who knows? Everyone reacts differently and lets be honest more than likely I'll be just fine. BUT, in the event that I cannot see my babies right after....ummm, no one else is allowed to see them either...
OK, so Jeff gets to see them because he is their Dad and apparently the doctors think he has the right or something, unbelievable! I kid, I kid! I guess.. if I must... I give him permission to see/hold/kiss them and all that good stuff before me. HOWEVER, I do NOT want anyone else to even see them until I have seen them and give them their first Mommy's kiss. I will be very upset. Even though I know its selfish of me, its what I want.

I just don't want to wake up and find that I'm the last one to see them ( I know this is a dramatic sentence but just go with it),  and I want their first kisses to be from Jeff and myself. Am I being unreasonable? Before you answer keep in mind that: We've been trying for a long time to become parents with a couple of miscarriages and with several failed treatments. IVF was our saviour... After many heartbreaks, injections, lots of medications, more injections, dildo cam abuse, retrieval surgery, even more injections, transfer, not being able to fully enjoy pregnancy because the fear of another loss has you trapped, ton of blood work, gestational diabetes, puking, having trouble breathing almost all day long because your heart is going way too fast, and many months of pregnancy....am I really being unreasonable in wanting to see them first?

I know I'll be holding  back my family and friends if this does happen, and I know they love the babies and want to see them, but I swear I will cry if this wish is not respected. Even if they are in my post-partum room, whoever reads this please remind Jeff to tell the nurses not to bring the babies to the room unless I'm awake, thanks. I already told Jeff this, and I think he got annoyed with me but didn't say anything (bless him), he will be in Daddy-Land and probably wont remember. Everyone else, if he forgets and you go into the room and the babies are there and you know I haven't seen them... just close your eyes and run out very very quickly, oh and please don't be too mad at me :-/

In unrelated news:

- Another twin mom just gave birth at 31 weeks, both babies are fine and are in NICU, I think they weighed 3lbs something each. I don't actually know her, she is related to one of Jeff's co-worker but I had to mention her because she was two weeks behind me and the birth of her twins is giving me some more sense of reality that this is going to be happening soon and even though I don't know her, I very much want to send her my congratulations trough cyberspace.

- Happy Birthday to my grandfather!

- Congratulations Brenda on becoming a Grandma again, wooohoo =)


  1. No! I don't think you are being unreasonable or selfish at all! Maybe put a sign on your door to remind the nurses? Be dramatic if you want. You deserve to see your babies first! :)

  2. That is an absolutely reasonable request

  3. I don't think it's an unreasonable request, but you might not find it that big of a deal on that day. I did have a c-section complication and didn't see my boy (girl was roomed in with me) for 24 hours. I had seen him briefly but was too out of it to kiss him. I wanted all this time after but I BEGGED hubby to go get my mom right away and since I couldn't be with him I wanted any of my family to be with him who they would allow in progressive care.

    So, things change!

  4. I think it is a selfish request but a very reasonable one. If there is a time to be selfish then you picked a good one, I'm behind you 100%

    You deserve it and there is no need to apologize, your loved ones will get their time with them too.

  5. I think you have the right, it does sound a little selfish but it really isn't. When you think about it that is the way it should be for everyone, I was the first to hold my daughter when she was born and that memory is the best out of the whole experience.

    I hope you get to see them right away and that you don't have complications!

  6. I love the idea Shanny! You should be the first to see them you deserve it :)
    The twin mom who gave birth is even giving me some excitement for you! 2 weeks behind you and she already gave birth. I'm glad the babies are doing well, I hope your twins get to escape NICU!

  7. There is not ONE SINGLE THING SELFISH about that!
    Don't let anyone tell you that.
    It doesn't sound selfish and it ISN'T selfish.
    I am fairly certain that the last time I checked you are the blessed individual who has carried these little people in you (for as long as it is until they decide to make their grand entrance into the world!)

    I had an emergency c-section with my first and everyone and their dog got to see MY baby before me. I remember months and months of resentment (for many reasons... including my birth "plan" not going anywhere along the lines I was hoping for)

    So no. You are not being selfish. You deserve to be the first to see your baby... make sure everyone knows the plan. Make sure you tell all the nurses when you check into the hospital that this is the plan.


  8. I completely agree with the previous commenter.


    I am 26 weeks along with my first, and I have ALREADY let my entire family know that the first people to hold and kiss MY baby will be ME and MY HUSBAND. I'm not having a baby with my family and friends... I'm having a baby with my husband. I'm sure it does sound snobbish (I dont care) and I'm sure it hurts feelings (again, I dont care).. but like you, we have suffered infertility and a miscarriage and I have waited my WHOLE LIFE to hold this child, so that's how its gonna roll! I have been diagnosed with a low lying placenta.. and if it doesnt move upwards, then I will be scheduled for a mandatory c-section. In which case, I will make it KNOWN to everyone in the entire hospital that I will hold my baby before anyone else.

    This subject strikes a nerve with me. I dont really know why. But, I just want to let you know that you are NOT being selfish and come hell or high water.. we WILL hold our babies before everyone else gets their grummy little paws on them. = )

    aww... the hormones. Can you hear them talkin'?? LOL

    God bless you darlin'

  9. I totally agree with you and don't think you're being selfish at all. In fact...i think i need to tell my hubs the same thing just in case I get knocked out from a c-section. Great advice!

  10. Not selfish at all. Anyone who makes you feel that way has never been a mom.

  11. I don't blame you. I had a scheduled c-section and we actually told our family a later time then the actual time we had to be there because I wanted just a little time with DH, me and the new baby before all of our crazy family members arrived.

  12. I think your plan is awesome! And I love the commenter's idea of putting a sign on the door to remind the nurses.

    And I just have to say that I love your attitude about the "birth plan." I know a woman who needed a C section with her first baby, and she keep complaining about how she was "robbed" of the birth experience that she wanted. My thought is that if the doctors say you or the baby need a C section, isn't that the best choice? I just think it's smart to go into it knowing anything can happen and simply planning on following the doctor's advice.

  13. I think you have every right to ask that you hold and kiss your babies before your friends and family. I wish I had thought of that. Although since Bridget was in the level 2 NICU, only parents and grandparents could even see her at all anyway. Still, I was the last one to see her 10 hours after she was born.
    And as for a birth plan, I would make one just to remind yourself and Jeff of how you *hope* your birth will go. And remember that if things don't seem right to you, demand to talk to a doctor. I only say this as my nurses SUCKED and I trusted them far too much. Stand up for yourself.
    I hope everything goes perfectly smoothly for you and that you have those babies by your side the whole time!

  14. I totally understand you Shanny. I WAS actually knocked out for my csection, and our families all saw Allie before I did, and they held her. It broke my heart to see those pictures, knowing I was still knocked out. So next time, this will be my request also. But honestly in the overall scheme of things, it doesn't matter they saw her before I did now...

  15. I do not by ANY means think that is a selfish request. Actually, I think that it is 100% normal and reasonable. I would do the same.

  16. I think it's perfectly understandable! And if they accidentally see them, they should lie and tell you they didn't! :) But other than medical people, you and their daddy should be the first to cuddle, hold, count fingers and toes, etc!

  17. I would feel the EXACT same way. You deserve to be the first to experience their first moments. I don't think its selfish at all!

  18. it's selfish, but you can do whatever you want, but why are you asking about that here, you're not going to change your mind about it, are you?

    i think that it's fine that daddy will be there with them while you are recovering, but don't you think that they need all the love they can get as soon as they come out? if there are people waiting to see them, then let them! let them have all the love they can get as soon as they enter this world. does it matter when you see them? no! you are still their mother over anything. as soon as they see you smell you, they know you are mommy and no one else.

  19. You have that right shanny ....If i was you wont even let your family know when is the time so you can enjoy them at least a day and who wants to get mad thats their problem

  20. I completely understand - I am allowing my mom & sis in the room (if I deliver vaginally), but feel the exact same way...no one holds her or kisses her before the two of us. Period. In fact, after she's born, I want my mom & sis to say hello to her & then leave & give us some private time before everyone starts coming in. Not selfish @ all. And havign gone thru IVF as well, I completely understand where you are coming from. Hopefully you will be fine & not even have to worry about it.

  21. Not selfish at all! I hope everyone respects your wishes!


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