So I had two babies. My body got really really big and that was a wonderful thing. Nobody is saying it wasn't. Nobody regrets any of it in any way. But. A very big but. Time has passed. Kids are out and healthy and happy. But Mommy? She is starting to feel a bit self conscious. And that's expected because it's normal. It does not mean Mommy is not happy. I just want to clear that up from now, I don't want anyone thinking I'm depressed.
I mean, I know I just had twins. You know I just had twins. But strangers in the street? They don't know that and I'm sure they are judging me... meanies! I feel like hanging a sing around my neck clearing things up, I have a few options: 1-"Object in front of you appears fatter than in real life" 2- "I'm not as distorted as I appear, I just had 2 babies", if they are really mean 3- "I just had 2 babies, what's your excuse?", or 4-maybe I'll just hang this picture around my neck to explain the whole thing:
What do you think, will that work? Yeah, I didn't think so. Either way, take a look at the picture again, I still look like that... minus the babies... which means exactly what you are thinking.. they popped me and left all that skin hanging around. Nice huh? Like I said: sexy deflated balloon. Minus the sexy part, so there is no way I'm showing you a pic of my current condition. The upside? My Doc did such a good job with the incision that if you were to see me in a bikini (barf!) and ignore the skin and thousand stretch marks, you would hardly notice the cut. And since that's a lot to ignore I'm not sure my Doc deserve big thanks for the incision, she does however get huge thanks for popping the babies out for me.
So back to this body thing. I go back to work in 2 weeks, I can only fit the "extras" in big pants, so it's fitted on top and lose on the bottom, very weird looking. I don't like it. What are the chances of fixing this in 14 days? Apparently none, like the silly girl that I am, I panicked and decided to start working out. I exercised to a video last week and made my incision bleed. It never quite healed properly because of my hectic mother of twins life but it was better. Until I messes it up again. I need to do something about my body. I know I wasn't skinny to begin with, I was okay-ish waaaay back when, then I started all sorts of treatments to get pregnant and got chubby with all the added hormones. That was no problem though, it had a purpose and I was going to get big anyways, but now that's over and I need to move on.
I got Jeff and my brother to put our BIG treadmill in my bedroom (it used to be in the nursery before the babies) and will attempt to walk/run. Mainly walk since my perfect incision is so sensitive still. Wish me luck. I have little time.. in between taking care of the twins and pumping (and work soon) it means I'm sacrificing sleep time. I almost feel like giving up pumping to tell you the truth, it's exhausting and painful, but at this point I feel like that machine is one of my limbs from being attached to it so much, I wouldn't know how to part ways. That and I still want to continue giving the babies breast milk for as long as I can. So, is it stupid to give up sleep time to work out? Resting is very important these days. Very. But so is fitting into clothes, no? I'm probably just being too hard on myself but I have to start sometime. Let's see what I give up first: Sleep, pumping or working out. If anyone has any advice, I'm ready for them!