So I had two babies. My body got really really big and that was a wonderful thing. Nobody is saying it wasn't. Nobody regrets any of it in any way. But. A very big but. Time has passed. Kids are out and healthy and happy. But Mommy? She is starting to feel a bit self conscious. And that's expected because it's normal. It does not mean Mommy is not happy. I just want to clear that up from now, I don't want anyone thinking I'm depressed.
I mean, I know I just had twins. You know I just had twins. But strangers in the street? They don't know that and I'm sure they are judging me... meanies! I feel like hanging a sing around my neck clearing things up, I have a few options: 1-"Object in front of you appears fatter than in real life" 2- "I'm not as distorted as I appear, I just had 2 babies", if they are really mean 3- "I just had 2 babies, what's your excuse?", or 4-maybe I'll just hang this picture around my neck to explain the whole thing:
What do you think, will that work? Yeah, I didn't think so. Either way, take a look at the picture again, I still look like that... minus the babies... which means exactly what you are thinking.. they popped me and left all that skin hanging around. Nice huh? Like I said: sexy deflated balloon. Minus the sexy part, so there is no way I'm showing you a pic of my current condition. The upside? My Doc did such a good job with the incision that if you were to see me in a bikini (barf!) and ignore the skin and thousand stretch marks, you would hardly notice the cut. And since that's a lot to ignore I'm not sure my Doc deserve big thanks for the incision, she does however get huge thanks for popping the babies out for me.
So back to this body thing. I go back to work in 2 weeks, I can only fit the "extras" in big pants, so it's fitted on top and lose on the bottom, very weird looking. I don't like it. What are the chances of fixing this in 14 days? Apparently none, like the silly girl that I am, I panicked and decided to start working out. I exercised to a video last week and made my incision bleed. It never quite healed properly because of my hectic mother of twins life but it was better. Until I messes it up again. I need to do something about my body. I know I wasn't skinny to begin with, I was okay-ish waaaay back when, then I started all sorts of treatments to get pregnant and got chubby with all the added hormones. That was no problem though, it had a purpose and I was going to get big anyways, but now that's over and I need to move on.
I got Jeff and my brother to put our BIG treadmill in my bedroom (it used to be in the nursery before the babies) and will attempt to walk/run. Mainly walk since my perfect incision is so sensitive still. Wish me luck. I have little time.. in between taking care of the twins and pumping (and work soon) it means I'm sacrificing sleep time. I almost feel like giving up pumping to tell you the truth, it's exhausting and painful, but at this point I feel like that machine is one of my limbs from being attached to it so much, I wouldn't know how to part ways. That and I still want to continue giving the babies breast milk for as long as I can. So, is it stupid to give up sleep time to work out? Resting is very important these days. Very. But so is fitting into clothes, no? I'm probably just being too hard on myself but I have to start sometime. Let's see what I give up first: Sleep, pumping or working out. If anyone has any advice, I'm ready for them!
I know this is easier said than done, but try to take it easy on yourself. It took you a long time to get pregnant and I think you should have at least that long (if not longer) to start feeling like yourself again. Having said that, do you have Spanks? They really do help to hold everything in place and may be good for the extra sag. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI say cut yourself some slack and use your 14 days to buy some new clothes! It's going to take time to fit back into the old ones, and you'll feel better with a few new outfits at your disposal. Plus, it's really hard for your body to let go of extra weight if you are exhausted and not getting enough sleep.
ReplyDeleteI have 5 month old boy/girl twins and I went through everything you are. I had to give up pumping because it was literally making me nuts. My babies were in the NICU for a month so breastfeeding wasn't something they excelled out, hence all the pumping. After I quit I was much more relaxed, pumping is very time consuming. You have made it through the crucial time in their life with breastmilk, that's what everyone assured me. I know it's a hard decision and involves lots of guilt! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYou have the body of a champion! the body of a real woman! It will go back to normal (i've seen other twin moms eventually get there!) but obviously it will take time. Don't hurt yourself! You rock and your babies know it and your hubby knows it and you know it! Who cares about everyone else!
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful no matter what! I have a friend who had twins last MAY, and she is just now looking and feeling like her normal self again! So give yourself extra time to re-coop.
ReplyDeleteWith that said, Spanx ARE pretty awesome to help you out in the meantime! =)
God bless!
I think your body is great! You know why its different and in time you'll get back to your old self. That being said, as a woman, I understand how you are feeling. Most women wouldn't admit it but we all care about our image, I know I did. After having my son I felt the same way, I thought I was being judge and I also felt like I needed strangers to understand that I just had a baby and that I wasn't really bulging in my middle. I didn't think of hanging a photo of my pregnant belly though that might have helped lol I've now lost the big middle, I'm still overweight but my body doesn't look extra heavy in the middle, its more proportioned, which I think is what you mean with the pant looking weird. Just wear longer tops and don't waste money buying new clothes that you will only wear for a few weeks. Going back to work alone will help you shed some weight. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, it took your body 9 months to grow those babies and change the way it did. You have to give yourself at least that much time for it to get back to "normal." (I know, easier said than done right?)
ReplyDeleteLike Juliet said, longer tops really help. And spanx.
I am nine months post-twin birth and I am just now having time to workout while being a full time employee. First I quit pumping which led to much more sleep. After sleep got regulated and work got regulated (it took me awhile to get in a schedule with that and not feel like I got hit with a truck) then I started working out again. It's not easy! I went to the doc about my tummy and nothing other than surgery will fix some of it and there is no hope for the stretch marks. What can you do?? I bought new clothes, mom jean specifically to go past the dangly part, and it made a world of difference!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine! I am always SO hard on myself... and I didn't just have twins so I can say that everything you are feeling is perfectly normal (I am so so sure of it!)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other posters who say SPANX and who say enjoy the last 14 days that you have off with your little bubs. You are going to get there!! I have faith my sweet friend :)
I so understand how you are feeling, we all feel that way, like you said its normal. If you want to work out 15 minutes a day on the treadmill is fine, it will get you going while giving you some "me" time. Just enjoy the rest of your time with the babies and if you stop pumping its also ok. You lasted a long time considering you have twins, not anyone could have done it, you should be so proud of yourself, pumping for two with little time deserves a big pat on the back. I'm not going to tell you about spanx because all pregnant woman already know about it, just know that in time the akward fit will get better. Good luck at work, I cried so much my first week back, but like anything else, you get used to it.
ReplyDeleteI just happened upon your blog. I love to find other twin bloggers! It makes me feel not so crazy! Your babies are adorable!
ReplyDeleteOh boy this is a hard one...I often wonder with just having one baby how long it will take for the body to look semi normal let alone carry twins...As for the pumping Im so terribly ignorant but is there any way to walk while pumping and get one of those hands free bra's or do you have to be sitting while pumping...Can you tell I have no experience in this area this is probably the dumbest thing I could say to you but just a thought even though Im clueless...Regardless you are beautful inside and out:))
ReplyDeleteLOL Shanny you had me laughing! I don't think you need a sign around your neck though =)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you look beautiful with your new Mom glow and don't worry what you are feeling is normal. I'm actually surprised to read that you are still pumping, I have one baby and I gave up in less than a month, you sure are determined! If you do give it up please know that its ok, you've given your babies breastmilk during the most important phase and you already have so much going on if you can get some extra time for yourself I say take it. Doing the treadmill is not too much, I would say its ok. Love the babies blog by the way, they are very cute!
I'm feeling overwhelming with starting to work out and take care of one baby so I really admire you!! I would say try to enjoy your last work free days with your babies and not try to stress about working out. Buying clothes in a bigger size is never fun, but maybe just a few clothes to make you feel better for the in between?
ReplyDeleteI think that you are going to get there one day at a time. You can do anything you put your mind to. Don't worry...you will get your body back before you know it...you had twins and had to make room for them! Its only a matter of time! Keep smiling!
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! You and your body a beautiful, and remember it took 9 months for your body to change for the twins, so I say give yourself 18 months (9 for each babe!) to get to a new normal!
ReplyDeleteAs for the pumping, it shouldn't be painful (not super enjoyable, but not painful). You may have the wrong size horns. Getting the right size made pumping so much more comfortable. I'm not sure what pump you have, but the soft Medela horns were super uncomfortable for me, so I bought the hard plastic ones (or maybe you should try the soft ones if you have the hard plastic?). You can also lube up with the lanolin or some women use olive oil I think. And, get a few hands-free bras if you don't have some, or cut small vertical slits into sports bras you don't mind damaging (that's what I did).
Be easy on yourself lady!