I'm going to put this out there...

I'm a fitness buff.

Big fitness buff. Oh yes.

Those of you who know me, you can stop laughing right now. Just because there is no actual evidence that I've ever been a big fitness junkie doesn't mean I'm not. I mean in my mind I am, and that's that. I constantly think about working out. I constantly think about eating very healthy. And I constantly imagine myself in top notch shape. So I figure.... *I think* THEREFORE *I am*.... just not physically. And if there is no such thing as a honorary fitness buff then there should be.

The best I've eaten, ever, is when I was pregnant. Give me gestational diabetes and I'll do the strictest diet on the planet for my babies. For myself? Not so much. And since going back to work its gotten worse. I don't know if it was the pumping and stress or the freedom to eat anything that I wanted but I was sure stuffing my face. I'm not working out because any opportunity I get I choose it to sleep instead. For the first couple of months after returning to work, I swore to myself EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that in the morning I would get up extra early to pump and work out. And even though I should have known better I truly believed that I would, I stopped kidding myself about a month ago. That crap isn't happening...

Now, that I stopped pumping... (exactly a week ago {for real this time}, I gave away my pump... but I still had the manual ones and yes I used them.. so I pumped for 7 months and 8 days exactly and this has nothing to do with my post but whatever)... let me start over... Now that I stopped pumping, I got my first period since before getting pregnant AND I got very bloated AND I didn't like it. It was a reality check for me that it was time to start doing something about the baby weight. The problem is that its hard to find time to workout when I'm already a zombie, and the fact that my baby weight is actually a s load of hanging skin. Sure I have some extra weight but its mostly my frontal ass that's the problem. Now, if you have any advice on how to shrink skin, you are welcomed to enlighten me. No need to tell me to work out, my brain is already doing all the working out you can possibly imagine, I mean, how else does one become a fitness buff like me?

I'm not in any way depressed about having my extra skin, I'm depressed because I can't hide it well enough (even with spanx)... boo! I'm even more sad because I can't push it towards my behind, which is the only place that has any use for it. Bwaaahhhh!

On that note, I know it will be a long while before I see a difference. That's fine. Just as long as when you see me you don't judge me. Like a lady who asked me how far along I was in this pregnancy, I told her I actually recently had twins, and she said: "No, but you are pregnant now!" pointing to my belly. I said no, she said yes. Let me tell you, I've been eating less so I had a very light breakfast and at that moment I was starving because I hadn't eaten lunch yet... she is just lucky I didn't snap her head off and snack on it.

Anyway...
I'm going to work on me and my image (whenever possible). This way, sometime, in the far future my body can prove that I can be more than an honorary fitness buff. And now that I said it on my blog I have to do it, right? Right! Now, let's see what I can actually accomplish.... If you have nothing else to do and would like to encourage me, I would appreciate it =)