Sunday, June 5, 2011

Why is Mommy not sleeping?

The babies?
Sure... its always one of my babies. One of my three babies, I should say.

Yes, the twins wake me up every so often, because they are teething and get fever once in a while. But my other baby? You know, my original baby... the one I married... THAT one is a whole other story. He is such a good Daddy that even while he is sleeping he is in Daddy mode. He stresses about their well being and plays with them. Or so he thinks....

The man wakes me up every single night, at least once.  He does not know this, he is fast asleep, but he manages to do one or all, actually any variation you can think of, of the following:
  1. Shakes me violently to go check on babies.... mind you if and when they make a sound, he sleeps right through it.
  2. Burps me.
  3. Or burps one, or both, of my boobs. When it was full of milk, it was not fun. Otherwise, well...
  4. Or, or, OR lifts one of my legs all the way up and starts patting my calf... no one, likes to be woken up that way, no one. And if you are reading this and think you would like that, call a psychologist.
  5. He pushes me out of the way to look for the baby. Whichever one.
  6. Pulls the blanket off of me to hug it.
  7. Talks to "them".... loudly.
  8. Caresses my head..... over and over and over... you get the picture.
  9. Farts. (Ok, this has nothing to do with babies, but it happens)
  10. And my favorite. It happened 2 nights ago: He pulls my pillow away from me (I had just returned from peeing checking on babies) and continues to throw it in the air exactly two times brings it down and kisses it, he threw it again in the air two more times and then kisses it, and again and again. I'm in disbelief staring at him until I wanted my pillow back. I tried to tell him it was just a pillow but he yelled at me and told me he is playing with the baby, I of course, asked which one... he said MY BABY, in a very condescending tone I might add. So I did the most natural thing, I grabbed my cell phone to video tape him, but Jeff being Jeff, stopped and turned right around to give me his back and continued sleeping.

And me? I'm once again awake and tired and confused and laughing my butt off (both butts). And then I get angry. The man never lets me video tape him, he stops right when I start to set up the video. I'm not sure I'm more upset because he wakes me up or because he never lets me tape him. a wife needs something to blackmail their husband with, you know? Not cool Jeff, not cool.

All in all, I'm just glad he hasn't tried to put a diaper on me =)


  1. I'm crossing my fingers you get that on video! Mike never wakes up either when there is actually a reason to wake up. I wanted to kick him sometimes when they were really little and waking up all the time!

  2. I am sorry he is waking you up but the last one is hilarious!

  3. OMG I am sobbing with laughter right now. Hilarious! Thank you for that belly laugh.

    My Hubs only did something like that a couple of times during the early, early days of having a newborn. But he'd root around in the bed looking for something and when I asked him what he was looking for, he'd say (in the same condescending tone your hubby used) "THE BABY!" like I was the biggest idiot on the planet. Oh, and one time, when we were supplementing my breast milk with donor milk/formula, and I told him it was "milk time" (as in, he needed to get up and warm the milk/formula), he sang out "Milk Time!" in this sing-songy voice several times before waking up totally embarassed to the sound of my howling laughter. Men don't do well with sleep deprivation. Women are better built for it, I think.

  4. OMG this is hilarious and I can relate! My husband more than once has sat up in bed all Indian style and put a pillow in his lap and patted it back to sleep.
    He also almost nightly asks me where the baby is, as if it's going to be some weird location like Germany.

    Because he is so crazy in his sleep, I take most nights of baby duty because I am afraid he isn't sane enough to care for our daughter while he is sleepy. Maybe he planned it this way? Ha!

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  6. Phahahaha!!!! Oh Shanny! You have made my day!! :D My loving hubby does some of the strangest things too. lol. One night he sat up in bed and started using one of my boobs like a shifting knob and was all pissed off telling someone his truck (meaning his cement truck at work) wouldn't go into gear right. LMAO! Needless to say, that kind of hurt. And he didn't stop until I pushed him over onto his own side of the bed again. I feel your pain, I really do... lol

  7. LOL!!!!!!! You cannot even imagine how this post made me laugh. You should win an award for funniest post ever! lol

    I read this yesterday and caught myself giggling through when I would think about this. This is Hilarious!

    Thanks for sharing!

  8. This is awesome!! My husband nightly "shhh"es in his sleep. And I thought THAT was annoying. :)

  9. AWWWWW! He is just the sweetest daddy ever!

  10. Now that's a video I would love to see ! Too funny kiddo.


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