Don't be silly, this is not about Jeff and me.
It's about just me.
My womb feels a bit empty.
No, I'm not dying for another baby. But this topic is coming up, because why? Well because its only logical that it should come up at some point.
There are a quite a few Internet friends that are basking in the joy of pregnancy after twins. God bless them. I was shocked to see that so many of them are on their way to their third child, mainly because this third child is from a surprise pregnancy... after infertility...umm, wow! I'm happy for them, I am, but the infertile in me is a bit jealous. I mean, think about it, isn't it natural for a woman who was so used to being envious of knocked up women to still feel that little bite in the heart? I'm not saying always, but once in a while? it hits me. And of course I immediately turn to my kiddos and love them up.
I know from experience that the third child is simply the best. Don't take my word for it though cause I happen to be a third child so my brain may be pre-programmed to such thoughts. Anyway, my tubes have been taken cared of so there wont be any surprises here, and if there is? well surprise wouldn't be the word I would use... and of course my jaw would fall right through the floor. My twinies are simply the best and they bring the most joy to my life, kids in general are amazing and fantastic, but two is the right number for us. On the other hand, if I become miraculously millionaire overnight, I'm not going to lie, I just might call up my RE to check things out about another IVF... either that or I'm going straight for a tummy tuck. OR... I might see about the tummy tuck right after the C-section... why not do combos? I mean theoretically speaking I 'would' have the money for it... so why not? And right about now... do you hear that? that's Jeff fainting on the floor at the thought of me possibly wanting another kid.
But no, we are happy with the two. I am too, really really. It's just hard for me not to wonder after all our struggles and especially when I see so many of the girls I went through my first pregnancy journey with doing it again. And joking around aside, I have one big reason why wouldn't try again. As thrilled as I would be, I would also be very very scared. You may or may not remember that my little man was born with a life threatening condition named Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia that was passed through genes. It's very rare and you can only get it if both your parents are carriers and by coincidence or bad luck somewhere in both Jeff's and my family that gene is there. We are from opposite ends of the world and we both have the genes, go figure. Noah will have a perfectly normal life he just has to take several medications daily forever. I can't do this to another child, yes there is a chance that like Natalia this other child wouldn't have CAH but if he/she does? I couldn't deal with it. I cannot tell you how haunted I am by the image of my 5 day old son staring at me in an ambulance. It's an image I constantly struggle with trying to forget but a lot of nights? I relive that nightmare and doing it again would be too much. If I didn't have this to worry about though... I can't say I wouldn't have wanted to add to the family... fainted husband or not...