Twilight

I finished reading all four books and I have to confess:

I'm crushing.










Edward Cullen can bite me anytime.


Jeff who? OK, not seriously. Jeff can bite but he is no vampire and he doesn't want to kill me each second of everyday. Well maybe he does in which case our marriage is a little more romantic than I thought since he is holding back on killing me.

Isn't it perfect that the movie comes out right in time for my birthday? Well the day before, but still its like meant to be!! I feel like I'm 17 years old again. ***Sigh***

I'm not into Robert Pattinson but him as Edward, only as Edward... heck yeah!!! It might just be because of the character but it doesn't matter I'll still ask Jeff for a pass on letting Edward (Robert) bite me if I ever get the chance. Umm, I guess I'll give him permission to let Catherine Zeta Jones bite him too... if he must...



And I know its a little childish but I think Bella should go hang out with Catherine by the edge of a cliff.... just saying...

Happy Birthday Jeff!

30-ish years ago my Darling Jeff was born. I'm not saying his age cause apparently he feels old. He needs to get a grip though..... he is not even 35 yet. This counts right? I can say what age he is not. He never specified that I couldn't give a hint of how old he wasn't.

I didn't really plan much. I was going to take him out to a romantic dinner but his Mom wants to eat with us tonight. I couldn't deny her that. She is after all the person who made him for me... and she absolutely insisted on paying for dinner. How could I refuse? Besides, I still have the weekend to celebrate with him.

I hope he can snap out of his sadness and have some fun. Since we heard about our infertile status its been hard to not think about it. Umm, time to ask an old friend to give a hand... a glass or two of wine always seems to help. Not fully but at least momentarily to help him enjoy his birthday. It makes me very sad to see him so down so if I get him really drunk its not exactly on purpose.

I love you Jeff, happy birthday =)

I'm infertile, where is the party?

"Too many things wrong."

That's what my Dr. said to me today. There are too many things wrong with both Jeff and I.

We are now welcomed into the world of infertility.

Jealous?

Nah, I wouldn't be either. Though, it does make life a bit more interesting... somewhat... I think? Who am I kidding? Nothing I come up with will make me feel better right now.

On Monday, CD1, I went to get my blood work done. Spent quite a long time there, they did a few different tests including a 2 hour Glucose test. Imagine my surprise (and my boss's) when I found out I was going to be there for such a long time. Anyway, my Dr. told me that I have a few things: PCOS*, high Prolactin levels**, and something else but I forgot. Also, I didn't respond well to the Glucose testing which she said makes me prone to Diabetes.

On Tuesday, after a couple of hours of porn, Jeff dropped off his "boys" at the lab to be analyzed and made his way into work. Apparently he loves me so much he doesn't want me to feel that its all my fault and decided to have low sperm count and too many white blood cells, this is called leukocytospermia.***

My Dr. said that there is nothing she can do to help us. She said Clomid wouldn't make a difference for us and that its safer to see a specialist. She gave me the number of a Reproductive Endocrinologist which made me smile, its: (000) 000-BABY. I'm not giving you the full number, he is my RE and I'm not sharing... unless you are in NY and need it.

I don't know what to think. Part of me is so freaked out and obviously upset and the other is somewhat relieved. At least now we know what's wrong... I think. We'll have to do a lot more tests with the RE but for now we have an idea and will try to work on it. I don't think my insurance covers infertility in which case I'll have to wait until next year to start treatments. Great isn't it? I get to wait even more. Hey, at least that gives me time for one more AF sometime in the next 2 months. That would make 6 periods for 2008. This is so F*cked up. I guess I'm angrier than I thought.


How the heck do I have one thing that causes high masculinizing hormones and have milk production at the same time? I'm not a guy nor am I pregnant. Seriously? I mean really? Seriously for real?

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*PCOS- polycystic ovary syndrome is an endocrine disorder. It is the most common hormonal disorder among women of reproductive age, and is a leading cause of infertility. It causes excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones, irregular or lack of periods and chronic anovulation (lack of ovulation).

**Prolactin- Its best-known function is to promote milk production in lactating (breastfeeding) women. Elevated prolactin levels (called hyperprolactinemia) may interfere with ovulation and menstrual cycle regularity. They may also cause galactorrhea (inappropriate milk secretion) and decreased libido (sex drive).

***Leukocytospermia- when a high white blood cell count in semen is typically over one million leukocytes per milliliter. In large quantities, white blood cells can have a detrimental effect on male fertility. This is because leukocytes cause the oxidation of cells. If you have high numbers of white blood cells in your sperm, this could result in the oxidation of sperm cells, damaging their ability to fertilize an egg.

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Gone reading...

I got home today to find these on my steps waiting for me:








I keep hearing how great Twilight and the rest of Stephenie Meyer books are and since I'm a read-aholic I decided to test them out. I'm so excited and I haven't even started reading yet. I hope I'm not disapointed!

See you later.

The beach, The Sun....

Lately I've been dreaming more and more of a nice romantic vacation.

I want to go away and bake in the sun. I want to stare at the beach because I don't really swim in it. The pool yes, the beach not more than 5 minutes per day. I'm not sure why, I just don't enjoy it too much. Its probably the salt. All the sodium makes me bloated. Heehee. Maybe not in this case but that salty water does burn my eyes and I don't like it.

I could deal with chlorine a bit more plus I can stay near the edge. Did I mention I'm not a good swimmer? I know how to, I can, but not too good. I'm just happy Jeff is so tall. He can just reach down and pull me up. He already has experience doing that, he once saved his Mom in a pool by pulling her up so I feel confident. In the beach though, with the current and the uneven floor, and the jelly fishes or whatever I'm not too confident or relaxed. Neither is Jeff with me holding on to him for dear life. I'm a scardy cat.... I know.

Unfortunately we are done with vacations for this year and we didn't do anything because we were concentrating on the house. Um, we still are but with a lot of breaks. Anyway, I can't wait for next year so we can go away. Then again I might not have to wait for too long, this year is flying by very very fast.

I think we might try a cruise. We've never been on a cruise before but hear wonderful things about them. I have really bad motion sickness though so that kinda holds me back. Is it as bad on a big big huge cruise? I wonder. I should just find out. I've thought of getting the motion bands if we ever get on a cruise, I just hope they have nice ones since its going to be in all the pictures (If we ever find the charger and memory card reader). Until then I have to work on getting my passport though, that would probably help. Oh, I will be sharing my past vacation stories soon, including the one where my passport got stolen and I was left stranded in Italy with my Mom. And the one when Jeff almost died. Yes seriously, he almost died. Fun? Not so much.

October 15th

On a bit of a sad note:

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the US. At seven pm local time, across every time zone, all are invited to join in lighting a candle in remembrance and honour of little ones loved and missed.

I will be lighting 3 candles. One would obviously be for my loss, another one will be for my cousin who passed when he was 6 years old. That was exactly 4 years and 6 months ago and I know he is in heaven taking care of his family who misses him very much. And the third candle will be in memory of all of those little angels who are now with God.

On a much happier note:

Today is my nephew's birthday. He is turning 16 and I love him more than he will ever know. In my eyes his presence proves to me that miracles can happen. You see, my sister had complications with her pregnancy and unless they did a C-section both her and the baby's lives were at stake. So that's what they did except that Jenny was only 6 months pregnant.

They had Antonio, my nephew, in an incubator for what seemed like forever, I'm not too sure but I think about a month or more. He was a tiny, very tiny little thing with needles and tubes all over his body. He was improving but not enough. When he was finally able to breathe on his own they gave him to my sister to take home. I freaked out the first time I held him. His head was literally smaller than an apple. I don't know his exact weight or length but at the time he was half the size of a newborn. Very scary. Even scarier, the Dr. told my sister not to get too attached because the way Antonio's health was going he wouldn't live more than a week. It was the saddest thing to see my sister deal with that. And who couldn't fall in love with the baby? He was absolutely adorable and the cutest baby ever.

Jenny took care of him like no other mother could. I remember she would keep his body surrounded with cotton balls under the blankets to make sure he was warm. She kept his hands and fingers covered, I think with baby socks, because his finger nails hadn't formed yet. I'm not sure she even dared kiss his bare skin to avoid any infection. Can you imagine how difficult that's for a mother? He was extremely vulnerable and he was so lucky to have her as his Mom, still is lucky.

The Drs. were surprised to see him after that week passed but still cautioned her that any of his organs could fail at any time. Week after week they were surprised. When they were finally confident that his health was good, they simply said that he was a miracle.

That's what he is to me: a miracle. If someone is responsible for me having faith, and knowing that anything is possible, its him, my awesome 16 year old nephew who is getting stalked by girls already.

Happy Birthday Antonio!

I love you.

We have a plan!

I'm so freaking excited I can't stand myself.

About 3 weeks ago I decided to make an appointment with my OBGYN because I clearly have issues. Make story short, for this entire year I've had only 5 periods including the miscarriage. For a regular person this is not good, for a person trying to conceive this is terrible. I just noticed that my AF's are coming around people's birthdays, like she feels she should make an appearance or something.

Anyway, I think that I am ovulating most of the time, just very very late. I finally dropped my eggie this past weekend on day 47, other girls have had two AF's in that time, that sucks. Well, I'm now in the 2 week wait again to find out if BFP or not.

My Dr. was great. She is going to act fast, real fast. I have to wait next week to see what happens and then get this baby project moving. She would have given me Provera to make AF show but we have to make sure I'm not pregnant first. On the 20th, I'm going for blood work to find out if BFP and a whole lot of other tests to see what's going on with me. If its negative I will be getting AF, with or without help, and I will be put on Clomid to help me ovulate more regularly. I'm happy that she wont be wasting time, she even wants Jeff to be tested now instead of waiting 3 to 6 more cycles on Clomid.

Its so great that we have a plan even if it doesn't work at least I'll have 50% more chance by ovulating every month. It would be even better if I didn't need all that because I'm already knocked up. Of course that would be the case right? When we get all geared up for testing and medications that gives us a chance to have twins (I'm a little excited about that) we wont need it cause our baby would be saying: Sike!

Is there a girl quota?

What's with all the baby girls?

Girls are being born everywhere. All the pregnant women I know are having girls or already popped them out. Real life and Internet. I think something is up.

Where are the boy's "boys" hiding? (Get it? get it?, OK I'm lame)

Is there something in the water that is making guys produce more "X" chromosomes? Or are girls being more badass than the boys? ..... hmm... "X" beats "Y"... I wouldn't be surprised. Girls are after all more mature than boys... There should still be at least one boy sneaking up somewhere.... but where?

I'm a little worried that either: A- I wont get a girl because its time to fill up the boys quota when I get pregnant or B- My girl (s) wont have any boys to marry in the future. Are we running out of guys? I hope not. Jeff needs a little sports buddy and I need a doll of my own.

I want a girl because I want to put pigtails on her head. I think its the cutest thing! A girl toy to play dress up. Heehee. The first time I had my baby niece Zamari all to myself, with barely any length to her hair and after A LOT of tries, this is what I did to her:

How adorable is that? Soooo adorable!!!!! Yes I answered my own question. Like I said before: I'm lame.

I have a total of 5 nieces and 2 nephews. The more I think about it the more I'm convinced that I'm going to have 2 boys. Someone has to balance out the girl/boy ratio in the family and we are the only ones left to have kids. Jeff's brother have one of each, my sister have one of each and my brother has 3 girls. I guess boys it is. I'll take it! We just want kids, healthy kids to smush with love.

Hey! Someone has to fill up the boys quota so that all those little girls can become beautiful brides right? By the way, they better give me at least one granddaughter so that I can practice my pigtails on her.

I love today... six years ago

On October 1st, 2002 I met my soul mate.

For the full story click here


This day will always mean a lot to me because its the day everything changed. I don't know what my life would have turned out like if I didn't meet Jeff but I'm glad I didn't have to find out.

I love my life.

I love Jeff.

I love who I am because of him.

There is no one else that can make me this happy. No one else who gets me (really gets me), who is very sweet, understanding, and has a huge heart......There is no one else whose imperfections I will accept. Jeff is not quite perfect (shocker), but he is totally the perfect one for me. How cliche! Actually, to be more honest, there is no one else who will put up with me and my imperfections. He has patience. A lot.

Thank you God for giving him to me. And now Jeff has to pay me 'cause I said nice things about him =)