Why is Mommy not sleeping?

The babies?
Sure... its always one of my babies. One of my three babies, I should say.

Yes, the twins wake me up every so often, because they are teething and get fever once in a while. But my other baby? You know, my original baby... the one I married... THAT one is a whole other story. He is such a good Daddy that even while he is sleeping he is in Daddy mode. He stresses about their well being and plays with them. Or so he thinks....

The man wakes me up every single night, at least once.  He does not know this, he is fast asleep, but he manages to do one or all, actually any variation you can think of, of the following:

1. Shakes me violently to go check on babies.... mind you if and when they make a sound, he sleeps right through it.
2. Burps me.
3. Or burps one, or both, of my boobs. When it was full of milk, it was not fun. Otherwise, well...
4. Or, or, OR lifts one of my legs all the way up and starts patting my calf... no one, likes to be woken up that way, no one. And if you are reading this and think you would like that, call a psychologist.
5. He pushes me out of the way to look for the baby. Whichever one.
6. Pulls the blanket off of me to hug it.
7. Talks to "them".... loudly.
8. Caresses my head..... over and over and over... you get the picture.
9. Farts. (Ok, this has nothing to do with babies, but it happens)
10. And my favorite. It happened 2 nights ago: He pulls my pillow away from me (I had just returned from peeing checking on babies) and continues to throw it in the air exactly two times brings it down and kisses it, he threw it again in the air two more times and then kisses it, and again and again. I'm in disbelief staring at him until I wanted my pillow back. I tried to tell him it was just a pillow but he yelled at me and told me he is playing with the baby, I of course, asked which one... he said MY BABY, in a very condescending tone I might add. So I did the most natural thing, I grabbed my cell phone to video tape him, but Jeff being Jeff, stopped and turned right around to give me his back and continued sleeping.

And me? I'm once again awake and tired and confused and laughing my butt off (both butts). And then I get angry. The man never lets me video tape him, he stops right when I start to set up the video. I'm not sure I'm more upset because he wakes me up or because he never lets me tape him. a wife needs something to blackmail their husband with, you know? Not cool Jeff, not cool.

All in all, I'm just glad he hasn't tried to put a diaper on me =)

I'm going to put this out there...

I'm a fitness buff.

Big fitness buff. Oh yes.

Those of you who know me, you can stop laughing right now. Just because there is no actual evidence that I've ever been a big fitness junkie doesn't mean I'm not. I mean in my mind I am, and that's that. I constantly think about working out. I constantly think about eating very healthy. And I constantly imagine myself in top notch shape. So I figure.... *I think* THEREFORE *I am*.... just not physically. And if there is no such thing as a honorary fitness buff then there should be.

The best I've eaten, ever, is when I was pregnant. Give me gestational diabetes and I'll do the strictest diet on the planet for my babies. For myself? Not so much. And since going back to work its gotten worse. I don't know if it was the pumping and stress or the freedom to eat anything that I wanted but I was sure stuffing my face. I'm not working out because any opportunity I get I choose it to sleep instead. For the first couple of months after returning to work, I swore to myself EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that in the morning I would get up extra early to pump and work out. And even though I should have known better I truly believed that I would, I stopped kidding myself about a month ago. That crap isn't happening...

Now, that I stopped pumping... (exactly a week ago {for real this time}, I gave away my pump... but I still had the manual ones and yes I used them.. so I pumped for 7 months and 8 days exactly and this has nothing to do with my post but whatever)... let me start over... Now that I stopped pumping, I got my first period since before getting pregnant AND I got very bloated AND I didn't like it. It was a reality check for me that it was time to start doing something about the baby weight. The problem is that its hard to find time to workout when I'm already a zombie, and the fact that my baby weight is actually a s load of hanging skin. Sure I have some extra weight but its mostly my frontal ass that's the problem. Now, if you have any advice on how to shrink skin, you are welcomed to enlighten me. No need to tell me to work out, my brain is already doing all the working out you can possibly imagine, I mean, how else does one become a fitness buff like me?

I'm not in any way depressed about having my extra skin, I'm depressed because I can't hide it well enough (even with spanx)... boo! I'm even more sad because I can't push it towards my behind, which is the only place that has any use for it. Bwaaahhhh!

On that note, I know it will be a long while before I see a difference. That's fine. Just as long as when you see me you don't judge me. Like a lady who asked me how far along I was in this pregnancy, I told her I actually recently had twins, and she said: "No, but you are pregnant now!" pointing to my belly. I said no, she said yes. Let me tell you, I've been eating less so I had a very light breakfast and at that moment I was starving because I hadn't eaten lunch yet... she is just lucky I didn't snap her head off and snack on it.

Anyway...
I'm going to work on me and my image (whenever possible). This way, sometime, in the far future my body can prove that I can be more than an honorary fitness buff. And now that I said it on my blog I have to do it, right? Right! Now, let's see what I can actually accomplish.... If you have nothing else to do and would like to encourage me, I would appreciate it =)

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

To You

And to ME!!!!

And Happy 7 months to the babies!!

A pretty picture! Let me paint you it...

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yes? Well, if this is true. Somewhere in the world there must be one or two 99 year old ladies who will find me sexy.

Let me explain:

I had babies, bla, bla, bla, this is old story *yawn* you already know this.
My belly got big and I got two special things along with it (not the twins):
1- stretch marks and
2- a linea negra.
We are still on the same page, right? Ok, let's move on.

Now, NOW, and I mean right this moment, said belly with the help of the linea negra and the stretch marks, has turned into an old man's butt. You read that right, an old wrinkly man's butt. The linea negra is in such way that it appears to be the butt crack and well, you can imagine the rest... let's not even try to figure out what the belly button could be (heehee). I will of course NOT show you a picture because I rather let you think that I'm exaggerating (I'm not). Just know that when you see me and I still look pregnant, the reality of it is that I'm carrying an old man's butt flapping over my lady business. Jeff is one lucky man I tell ya. Obviously, I don't walk around flaunting it.

Is it sad that my old man's butt actually has more cushion than my own butt? If only I could transfer it from my  front to the back.... *sigh*

The thing to know is that you must, under all circumstances, keep your grandmothers away from me. They might recognize the shape and then wont be able to keep their hands off me. And nobody wants to beat up an old lady for getting too excited, much less me... or Jeff... for that matter. He does happen to be married to my extra butt. Poor guy.

Needless to say, I'm sexier than you cause I'm the one rocking two butts. That's four a$$ cheeks! What you got to top that? Huh, huh?

How to stop????

I've been waiting for the kids to hit 6 months so I can start weaning off pumping and to get to spend more time with my bed with the babies. This was my commitment and making it really makes me feel quite accomplished. Go me!! woohoo! yeah, yeah, bla, bla, bla. I know in the "nursing world" this isn't really that long but hey if you multiply 1 baby's 6 month by 2 you get 12 months... right? right! So technically I pumped for 12 months in half the time! How fantastic is that? I'm like supermama! I wanna believe what I wanna  believe so don't burst my bubble, thanks much!

I've been going at it even while working full time. They've been awesome at work about it so I've been lucky about keeping it up there. I have had the occasional leakage from not being able to pump on time but that's the only issue I've gotten at work. And now? Now I don't know how to stop. I mean I know I have to not pump as much, etc, etc. but my heart doesn't know how to stop. I can't just not pump, like ever again, cause my boobs will just explode. But I feel like I'm being a bad mommy by stopping. Not that I think anyone is a bad mommy for not giving breast milk, I mean it in the sense that this is the only thing I know as a mom, and because of Noah's weaker immune system. I spent sooo much time getting my milk supply up, like in the beginning I spent 2 weeks straight pumping every 1 1/2 to 2 hours round the clock, and after all that work just to give up now seems wrong in my head. Don't get me wrong I am giving it up. I just can't wrap my head around it, yet.

I'm looking forward to wearing regular bras cause I've been living in my hands free pumping bustiers. So easy to just lift my blouse and pump. I'm looking forward to enjoying a glass of an alcoholic beverage (at this point I'm a little desperate so any will do) it's been over a year and half of none of this, except for beer. I tried beer to see if it would help with the supply a couple of times but I'm not a beer person, (and yes it works, I got an extra 2 ounces) . Another thing that's been over a year and half? My period. I haven't seen that read headed biotch since I started my IVF cycle (except for the bleeding after babies were born but that doesn't count). This I'm not looking forward to, at all. I suppose now that I'm finally a mom I should retire the "biotch" name in reference to my period, right? I'll think about it. She will no longer be breaking my heart every month so I guess I can make nice. Anyway, I'm also looking forward to blogging more. To not walk around with the darn pump everywhere. To not have sore hard as rock boobs. And most importantly to spend even more time with the kiddos.

I was making progress in the weaning off department but then I got sick. I've been sick this whole week, with something very flu-like. Not sure if it was the flu or not cause I did get my flu shot but it was crappy and I didn't like it. So when I had finally started to pump only 5 times a day instead of 8 and producing less because of taking medication, I hit a panic mode and started going crazy with the pump so that I can give the babies the milk and help them avoid getting sick. So now I have to start weaning off again. Those who did it... How does it feel? Is there really a sense of freedom? I'm not sure how long I'll take to wean off but I can't wait. And at the same time I can wait. I'm confused. I know I want to stop. Formula is good stuff and I have a freezer stash, so I'm ok with it, I just don't kow how to make myself stop! Anyway, since I worked hard for my freezer stash, I'm gona show it to you: ta da...

I know it looks a little sad and it's not that impressive but whatever. I worked hard for it and I'm quite proud so I'm going to pat my own back. This is over 400 ounces of frozen milk. Sounds like a lot right? Not so much. For twins this will not last too long. But since I'm still pumping and they are eating solids we shall see how long they'll be getting breast milk for. By the way, giving them the breast milk while sick worked, so far (knock on wood) they are OK. Jeff on the other hand? I got him pretty sick. Sorry honey. Now, that I'm getting better I have to start weaning off again. I want a life without a pump. Wish me luck.

I can't believe this... I'm pregnant!

I'm shaking right now.
After everything that we've gone through, out of no where, I got a positive.
I've been feeling extra tired lately and saw some signs but since I'm still breastfeeding I didn't really believe it was connected. I had an extra test from when I was trying before... and holy crap, this is insane.

Absolutely insane!

And quite frankly you are insane too if you happened to believe me,.... you fool!
Happy April Fool's Day!

Now it's your turn, go fool somebody =)

In Jeff I trust

You know how Mommies are awesome and can do it all when it comes to their babies?

Well, Jeff can do it too.

Except pumping. Jeff can't pump. So I'm still better than him, ha!
He is extremely good with the babies. Oh so good. I work some Saturdays and people are usually surprised when I tell them that the babies are home with Jeff. They tend to ask if someone is there helping him. Nope. He takes great care of them all by himself. There are only a few people that I trust watching the babies (because of Noah's medications) and Jeff is at the top of that list. Well he is their Daddy but not all dads are comfortable watching babies so yay for me.

He plays with them a lot. I'm almost sure they have way more fun with him than with anyone else... including me =(... but I give them special mommy's milk (so whatever Jeff). He does try to avoid giving them a bath though. He used to bathe them in the folding chair in the sink but the baby tub makes him nervous. At least that's what he says. I think he just wants to play with them and keep them laughing so they love him more... I'm on to you Jeff so stop plotting against me.

But seriously though? Thank you honey for being so wonderful with them. Natalia loves you. Noah Loves you. And I suppose I love you too.

PS- Bath time is on you next time!

By the way, I've been working on this post for about two weeks now. I completely forgot most of the things I wanted to say but you get the idea: Jeff is a good Daddy =)